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Thankful

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This time of year I think of the things, people and situations in my life for whom and which I am thankful. The positives outweigh the negatives. Do this for yourself and assess were you are. (I am rarely thankful for negatives.)

People: (Be careful here. It is easy to miss someone.)

  • Anna & Eric & the kiddos
  • David & Melissa & the kiddos
  • Scott & Mavis & the kiddos
  • My sister Joyce
  • Debbie Joy
  • My cousin Bob (also Tom)
  • All the Nancys
  • Sr. Carren
  • Sr. Janet
  • The stock club guys
  • Grief Share support
  • Bea, Bev, Marg, Peggy, John and Peg and the back pew support crew

I stop after this list because the people who have saved me is too great for me to remember and the people who are so very special to me crowd my thoughts. It is remarkable that Cheryl is talking to me in my head; “you forgot… and what about…“ After three rounds of Grief Share group support I can hear her voice with almost perfect clarity. So, I tell her, “okay maybe I shouldn’t try to list everyone. You are right someone I missed will be sad I did not list them and they will think I forgot what they did for me.” She just said, “I am (right)!” I laughed out loud at her.

Things:

  • A place to live
  • Bike paths and a car big enough to put my bike into for travel.
  • No mortgage or loan payments
  • Enough cash to last until the end of me
  • Enough food and the ability to prepare it
  • Pie and coffee cake
  • Blueberry sorbet (I am listing the truly important things now.)
  • Also pecan pie. Mavis sent me her pecan bars recipe with the note that the filling makes THE BEST pecan pie. I have made it twice now and she is ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.

I am thankful that in our society I think I will get by with the means at hand. I am pretty sure I will get to the end of my life before I get to the end of my money. We (Cheryl and I) have always been fiscally frugal.) Tricky to do raising three kids but they all turned out perfect and these days their families are perfect. (I am thankful for them too.) I think the little pile of money Cheryl and I put together will last until the end of me.

Situations:

  • Good health
  • Bike paths and the ability to ride on them
  • Loving family
  • Wonderful friends
  • I have decided and have started the process of complete retirement. I hope to have enough time to pursue my own interests and hobbies without interruption of commitment not of my own decision.
  • Mental relief of making that decision and starting the process.
  • Wearing pajamas until noon

One of the reasons for retirement – maybe one of the best – is wearing pajamas until noon. On baking days and writing days I do this. No one is here except me. I do not concern myself with good looks when no one else is about. Lately there have been fewer writing days. My school schedule has picked up. All of that changes at the end of 2025 and I look forward to it.

Carpe Diem

Memories and Remembrance and Dad

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This writing prompt, “Write Scenes With Your Senses” popped into my email today and it made me think. To quote the email, “When a memory suddenly pops into our head it is often just a fragment: a smile, a gentle touch, the tone of a voice. What anchors those fragments and transforms them into a scene that lives on the page is the body. Our senses are the portal. Writing through sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch grounds a scene in the moment and makes it come alive. Sensory details allow the reader to know not just what happened, but to experience it with their own body. It is said that specificity is the soul of narrative.” I have these sorts of memories, mainly, from early childhood.

The discussion continued with also many “have had the experience of hearing a song from our teen years and having flashes of memory from our high school dance from decades before. Suddenly we see the disco ball shooting shards of light across our friends faces, we smell the perfume or cologne of our dance partner, we feel our feet shuffle on the floor to the rhythm of the music, we taste the flavor of our favorite gum.” Sadly I have not and I have no memory of taste of any thing but Kleespie’s Bakery rye bread. (Also a childhood memory.) This last is what propelled me into baking bread as a hobby in the 1980s.

Reading the first paragraph my brain responded with an early, very early, memory of Cub Scouts and knothole baseball. I did not play knothole baseball as a kid but I was a Cub Scout. I imagine this game was a cub scout activity. My Dad was not a huge sports fan or any kind of sports fan, although he did like bowling when I was small.

The memory that came to me like a video vision is an image that has me on a ball field near Oakley Park near where I lived then. The video is silent in my head. It was late in the afternoon and the pitcher was a 7 or 8 year old like I was. Standing there at the plate he threw 4 loopy-doop pitches in a row and I walked to first base. Three other batters behind me also walked to their bases and I walked home. Not knowing much about baseball, I thought so that is what a home run is. It was a home walk in this case.

I was excited about scoring but no one was there to see it. There are no cheers in the audience. I cannot see an audience. I only see the ball diamond. I do not see any coaches but there must have been some. The scene is starkly quiet.

Later when Dad picked me up I told him about my “home run” and scoring a run. He did not correct my misconception. He merely replied, “I wish I was there to see that.” I could hear his voice as he said that. As we rode home in the car he asked me about other things and he may have taken me to get ice cream but the memory fades and that image is not there. I can hear his voice, “I wish I was there to see that” with a little disappointment in his voice. Dad dearly loved ice cream so that image is obfuscated with other trips to various ice cream parlors near our house.

Today my scenes with my senses are focused on Dad and childhood. The only audio is – I wish I was there to see that.

Dad was in the Navy before I was born. I wish he was still here. Do we ever quit being children?

Carpe Diem.

Experimentation

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I have been experimenting with many aspects of my life since Cheryl has gone.

Where am I going? Why am I experimenting? What do I mean by experimenting? Am I searching for life meaning? My life meaning?

Is this worth my effort?

Since I am still here and God has taken her, there must be some reason that the universal conscience has for me. Or that line of thought might just be ego talking. Some days I feel like I am waiting for God to hit me with the answer of what all this is for.

Today the time changes. Why did it change? Did we get more? What is time? Why do I have so many devices in my home to measure it? Why is my circadian rhythm dysrhythmic today?

How much sugar should I add to this? Should I use sugar or honey? Where is this thought going?

I had a strange dream yesterday as I was wakening in the last time zone. My neighbor was holding two tomatoes from our little garden plot and peering into my living room windows. She was waving them up and down in the latest “6-7” motion that the children do meaninglessly. My view in the dream was as though I was looking through a doll house window. She was a giant version of herself. I woke up suddenly with a little shiver. Where did that dreamy thought come from?

Is the One whose name may not be said merely trying to show me that purpose and being are two different ideas and are not correlated? Those just are?

The human mind (maybe just my mind) is just simply too busy. Minds are too busy concerning themselves with ideas like purpose and value. What if my mind could just be? And where is my mind?

Cheryl’s mind left her before her body left the Earth. Taking care of her in her mindless menagerie of demented memories and present existence was my purpose and value for many years.

These days I seem to be experimenting to find new purpose. But what if I merely remain present to what is now. What if?

It is almost 8AM and my mind is telling my body that it was almost 9AM yesterday. Presence to now is what I shout back in my mind. What is it now? Yesterday is no more.

Time only moves forward.

We are all time travelers. See what is now. The future is tomorrow and next month and next year.

I will get there in time.

What is the rush?

Carpe Diem.

Parkinson’s Help

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I had a long conversation with a member of our Parkinson’s support group today. She called mostly to talk about her husband who has Parkinson’s disease (PD). And the struggles she was having as a caregiver with Parkinson’s disease care management. We talked for a long, long time. Maybe half hour, 45 minutes she was on the phone. She was pretty forthcoming, with lots of things that she was dealing within her life, I was surprised by the call and I don’t know why but I am glad she reached out and I was able to give her an ear. Afterward it made me feel good. It made me feel sad for her.

It made me think…

Think a lot about Cheryl and how I dealt with helping her deal with her disease. She had a lot of the same issues Bev was talking about. Her stories were remarkably similar to my memories of that time in our life.
Bev is dealing with it (Parkinson’s in her husband) right now. With her husband her description is very, very similar to where Cheryl was maybe 2 years or so before the end of her life. The parallels are really striking. Bev was telling me that they moved into the condo that they are now living in about 5 years ago. (Same for us.) Mostly because it was getting harder and harder for her husband. He always, you know, mowed the lawn. And he did the maintenance kind of activities that you have with the house.

She went on and on to tell me lots of stories about things and I think I’ll have to think about them for a while. But the but the whole story line is so remarkably similar and so sad and well, maybe not sad, but but frustrating, you know, the disease just kind of consumes your whole relationship with with your spouse, they’ve been married a long time too.

They’ve been married about 35 years. They were together 3 or 4 years before that. Cheryl and I were married 53 years and we had been together for 4 years before that, it’s just incredible how similar the stories are.

Anyway, I needed to take time away from what I was doing here in my class management at the Mason campus of Sinclair College. I had to go have lunch somewhere where I could sit quietly and think about things and grade papers and take my mind off of that phone conversation and the memories it conjured. That was such a debilitating part of my life and Cheryl’s. It was so all-consuming. I think that’s what gets missed when people talk about care. Giving it is so all-consuming, slow moving, frustrating and then people will still say, “Well you’re blessed to have her or your blessed to have him. There’s no fucking blessed going on in that whole Parkinson’s/dementia thing.

Just.

Not.

Happening.

Bev did tell me one other useful thing. Her family doctor told her that she needs to go outside and take a walk everyday. No phones, no music, no nothing, you need to go out and listen to the birds, enjoy the sunshine. If there is no sunshine, enjoy the rain, if there is rain take an umbrella, but for 30 minutes a day, you got to just walk away from everything, get rid of the stress, let it go. That is absolutely the best advice I’ve ever heard anybody say to anybody else about this horrible disease of Parkinson’s. It truly is a horrible disease. I remarked to her that it was the best piece of advice I had ever heard. (I got away to ride my bike whenever I could.)

Not only does PD make it so that you can’t get around easily. It’s a brain disease, so lots of times the brain goes wacko. He or she becomes a whole different person. Bev was actually talking about that too.

She and I commiserated for a bit; they like us have been married a long time. All the early on things that they and we had. They had a really good life up until just a few years ago, when she thinks he really went downhill in a hurry. But that kind of story is just so common, and somehow doctors aren’t able to describe the signs to the care partner. It seems almost like you would need to have a psychiatric version of Parkinson’s doctor. PD is a movement disorder, so one seeks out a movement disorder specialist but probably one also needs a brain specialist or its psychiatric personality disorder specialist, in other words, a brain guy to to talk about some of these issues. The sad thing is the person with Parkinson’s disease doesn’t recognize what is actually going on. The person helping a person with a dementia issue, of course, is struggling to do the right thing to get the best care. Those around him or her (the family) without the lived experience, those that aren’t dealing with it on a day to day basis, they think that everything is generally okay, because the PD person the demented person is able to actually keep it together for an hour or 2 or whatever it takes to get through the party or the social activity, and so, those people, that part of the family who is not living there does not get to see the whole picture.

They think everything is fine or mostly fine.

Whoever it is, is obviously ill with PD and can’t move so good. Maybe they look old and got arthritis…

So many things are invisible. They cannot be seen. Or we choose to not see.

Carpe Diem

Retirement

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Daily writing prompt
What have you been putting off doing? Why?
View all responses

Retirement. That is retirement from any income producing employment. I have selected January 1, 2026.

Why did I wait? Why did I not pull the trigger? The answer is shear inertia. I simply had not thought about it. How many other things do we keep doing simply because?

Carpe the rest of the diems.

I Suppose

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I suppose many things. Supposition means to think. To start with a conjecture and take that hypothesis to an end in one’s own mind.

Evangelism markets those thoughts to the world.

Reactionism responds to those ideas.

It is a circle. It is a discussion, rather, it could be a civil discussion of ideas and beliefs. Sometimes, maybe many times, it is not.

—–

My term – reactionism – merely means reaction and what one does with their reaction to the stimulus of an idea. In Miriam Webster – my favorite authority – 1a: the act or process or an instance of reacting; b: resistance or opposition to a force, influence, or movement; especially: tendency toward a former and usually outmoded political or social order or policy. – This from their web pages.

There are, of course, many ways to react to ideas and the evangelical marketing of them to other folks with different beliefs or no interest in those ideas. I personally am uninterested in what wine pairs with which dish on the menu of a nice restaurant. I personally am resistant to hyperbole – “OMG” in SMS text messages – and the like, but that is just me. I personally am resistant to the extreme negativity of comments that appear on various social media platforms and at the same time fascinated by what total strangers will say to one another when they are not speaking in person. And yet, I do not equate disagreement with disrespect of another person as some do.

Violence and termination of another person’s life for an idea is disrespectful disagreement in the extreme.

I did not know Charles Kirk. We do not know if the person who killed him had gone mental about his ideas or was merely testing his/her/their prowess as a sharp shooter. We may never know the reason, and yet, as human beings, we long for the answer to why.

Jesus Christ was killed for his ideas. Julius Caesar was killed for his ideas. Abraham Lincoln was killed for his ideas. Mahatma Gandhi was killed for his ideas. Medgar Evers was killed for his ideas. Robert F. Kennedy was killed for his ideas. Martin Luther King was killed for his ideas. John F. Kennedy was killed for his ideas. Written history is full of examples. No doubt prewritten history is also. Those ideas live on in religions, movements, political parties and other organizations. Ideas cannot be killed. The messenger can be given the opportunity to do so by a reactionary.

So the question remains; why?

Only He knows the answer. … And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy. (Max Ehrmann)

I will add: Do not be envious of other’s happiness. Rejoice with them and celebrate it.

Carpe Diem.

On To…

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I originally wrote most of this in December of 2021. The lessons I learned and techniques I developed for communicating with my wife who was dealing with Parkinson disease and associated dementia are applicable today. The lessons of life are illusory and fade if not maintained.

I am learning things about myself from Debbie that I was only beginning to learn from Cheryl and taking care of her at the end of her life. Dementia is a misunderstanding between the brain and it surroundings and the sensors it uses to detect the environment. An oversimplification to say the least but a miscommunication certainly. Missed communication is at the heart of any conflict or dispute.

Lessons from making cookies

December, 2021: Cheryl’s Cookies (Not the Commercial Venture)…

Living with a parkie (person suffering from Parkinson’s disease) makes me alert to new information when it comes up. That being said I do not always recognize my new task nor do I always recognize the information as new. This is about becoming a master cookie maker on the fly. I was not completely inept. I make bread often.

Executive function and loss of it…

Dementia occurs in about 50% of Parkinson’s sufferers who have had it for some time. Mild cognitive impairment often shows up first, followed by hallucinations, delusions, misunderstanding, memory loss and inability to follow simple directions. It is disheartening. Some behaviors are side effects of medications. Some come with build up of unpronounceable proteins in the brain. No matter the source, the behavior can be disheartening and annoying from a care partner perspective because the person you once knew is physically there and mentally not completely there. From a care partner’s perspective it seems that the medical community does not forewarn anyone about this aspect of the disease.

I am a retired engineer and have an innate curiosity about everything around me. Cooking, baking, bread making and all things requiring an oven have a particular fascination. There is practical chemistry in cooking both with the ingredients and the people cooking them. To the question, why do it that way? Near the end, my wife’s reaction often was anger to some perceived slight or merely to the wording of it. (She is the parkie in this story but that may have little to do with it. I caulked most of these reactions to her PD and her mental state at the time.)

It is an engineer’s question. It starts with me. Words and question structure are important factors. Engineers always want to ask why something is done some way or simply is some way. Why often sounds like a challenge, even to other engineers, if it is not asked properly. Tenor is detected in tone of voice both in the sound we make with vocal chords and inside our own head. Cognitive impairment interferes with interpretation of subtleties of tenor and tone of voice.

How to do…

December, 2021: Our latest challenge to our marital bliss is Christmas cookies. Baking is a hobby and a passion to me. I like to think I have perfected my meager talent at making breads of various types and shapes. I am proud of that but lately I have pushing into cakes and pies. The pandemic pandemonium gets to us all in various ways.

My perception of making cookies is one of a trivial exercise in baking. That is an incorrect perspective but one that I have internalized. December is cookie making time. Cheryl is helping me or I am helping her that is unclear in this reminisce but her Parkinson is affecting her more and more. Two cooks in the kitchen is a recipe for a challenge to peaceful coexistence. Two bakers near an oven enables battle lines to be established and defended with vigor. Starting a question with why is akin to removing one’s glove and casting it upon the dueling ground. [Emoji (:-)] Cheryl has made perhaps a giga-dozen (I just made up that word) of cookies. I have made none. What can I say to redeem myself? Engineers ask why a lot and in this exercise I learn to find a more agreeable way to get her to tell me what she knows.

The lead-in; I do not understand, why do… seems to temper the why. Small children ask why a lot until finally the because-I-say-so comes out.

Where to start…

To a skilled cookie baker the recipe is merely a guide, a refresher, a list that says these get lemon zest. Interestingly, that is much like how I view a new bread recipe. I am on familiar territory. (He thought to himself with arrogance.)

Not so fast apprentice! Nearby there is a master cookie baker. Do not question the master’s skill at her craft with disdainful utterances such as, why and how come? All will be revealed. But also keep an eye on the recipe and make answers such as, yes, we have put that in the mix and suggestions, such as, shall I add the butter?

Sometimes with creeping dementia ingredients are forgotten. Sometimes without that factor ingredients are forgotten. Try to be kind and remember that no one got up in the morning thinking, how can I mess with his mind today? Most importantly, do not raise your voice two octaves, that is a dead giveaway to your ignorance.

How does one check for doneness? (It is common sense!) Look at them. (the “fool” is left unsaid.) They will look right. What is right? (and on and on and on…) Cooking is a process. It is learned by doing. Life is random. It is learned by experience.

The 3C method – Cut out the Crap in the Conversation…

To a person standing nearby this conversation sounds rude. It sounds like one person is giving another orders and it can be that way. If done with kindness in the communicator’s heart and with understanding that a Parkinson’s patient also may be dealing with confusion issues, it is neither rude nor demeaning in any way. Often a person experiencing Parkinson’s cannot or does not get the implication or inference. Be clear. Have kindness in your voice when speaking. No teasing.

When tasting the cookies later after they have cooled, do not say, “YOU FORGOT THE SALT!” Instead say “These seem off somehow. Did we forget an ingredient?” Gentle discussion allows for thoughtful assessment rather than confrontational reaction.

The onus is on the care partner not the parkie to be patient, kind and clear. Be aware, care partner, that this is hard to do because you remember how your partner/spouse/parent/friend was before. (Good natured teasing may be misinterpreted. Be certain that your partner is not confused.) You too can be unaware of how they are now. The Parkinson’s patient may become sad or angry. Be persistent if you as care partner are very concerned about safety. Add some love to the conversation if you think you are not getting through the confusion. Strive to not become frustrated and raise your voice (two octaves).

We did wind up with our first battle batch of cookies. Although they were a motley crew, they tasted fine.

This episode came to me as I was thinking about other experiences that have cropped up in my new relationship with Debbie and I am getting to know her family and friends. Patience, kindness and clearness are useful aspects of communication with anyone, especially someone you care for deeply. Debbie has told me several times that she does not always know when I am teasing her. Perhaps I should not do that at all. The ability to tease someone comes with trust and love and familiarity. Perhaps I should remember that I do not know what I do not know and err on the side of kindness and ease, not tease.

Everyday is a winding road. I get a little bit closer. – Sheryl Crow (Good poem/song – read the lyrics)

Carpe Diem.

Curious about Technology

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I am and have been curious about technology development, control theory, computational machines, artificial intellects and all things associated with that last mispronouncement. The laptop I bought to write with has a confusing Windows 11 file structure and it has also a little symbol labeled Copilot. An MSN icon in the lower left corner of the screen tells me the weather when click on it. Additionally it tells me little random newsie teasers and various ads for items that I have looked at in the past online.

I believe this to be the actual real usefulness of AI, creating income and improving income streams from targeted advertising. Many others believe that AI will be the death of us as we fall for videos of peoples’ faces we admire pasted onto bodies of people we find despicable. I just do not think that to be a truism or even an alternative truth.

An advertisement for a pillowcase was shown to me when I clicked on the weather icon. Intrigued I began to read the ad. I could not get away from how AI-generated it read.

I asked Copilot – I am developing a new pillowcase. Help me write a story and develop advertising. It sent the following back to me:

🛏️ Sink into a story… where comfort becomes the main character.

🌟 Introducing: The Pillowcase That Changed Sleep Forever

In a world plagued by restless nights and scratchy fabrics, one inventor dared to dream differently. Frustrated by the endless cycle of discomfort, Johnathan—a sleep visionary—crafted what no tired soul thought possible: a pillowcase that wasn’t just soft, but revolutionary.

This isn’t your grandmother’s pillow slip. It’s a sleep sanctuary woven with breathable fibers and stitched with thoughtful design. Temperature-regulating, wrinkle-resistant, and impossibly gentle on skin and hair—this pillowcase redefines what bedtime can be.

But that’s just the beginning.

🎯 Whether you’re winding down after a long day, diving into your favorite book, or waking up feeling like royalty, this new style pillowcase turns every moment in bed into luxury. It’s not just an accessory—it’s the unsung hero of your nighttime routine. [That is quite compelling. At this point I want to know, how much?]

✨ Sleep better. Wake brighter. Dream deeper. [HOLY COW! LET ME GET SOME!]

Would you like this story to match a specific tone—like playful, sleek, or luxury chic? I can tailor it to fit your brand voice or even build out a whole campaign with slogans, product descriptions, and social media teasers. [YES. I typed. How about some slogans?]

Absolutely! Here are some punchy slogans to spark your pillowcase campaign, ranging from cozy and clever to sleek and stylish:

🛌 Comfy & Clever

  • “Dreams Start Here.”
  • “Softness That Sleeps With You.”
  • “The Pillowcase That Tucks You In.”
  • “Turn Down the Tossing & Turning.”
  • “Wake Up to Wow.”

👑 Luxury & Elegant

  • “Sleep, Styled.”
  • “Where Texture Meets Tranquility.”
  • “Because Your Skin Deserves Silk.”
  • “Rest Like Royalty.”
  • “Wrapped in Comfort. Waking in Bliss.”

✨ Modern & Bold

  • “Not Just a Pillowcase. A Sleep Revolution.”
  • “Feel the Difference Overnight.”
  • “Upgrade Your Dreams.”
  • “Sleep Smarter. Live Softer.”
  • “Designed for Dreamers.”

Want to play off a specific theme—like tech-forward, eco-friendly, or spa vibes? I can fine-tune the slogans to fit your style or brand tone.

[AND ON AND ON it goes. I could play this game all morning. Huh. It is noon already.]

Carpe Diem.

Exercise, Personality and Riding

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I suspect that few reading this will care much but I will tell you about it anyway. In a short little piece this morning on CBS, Tony talked about exercise and matching exercise to your personality. The researchers thought is that if you match your exercise to your personality trait(s) you are more likely to continue it whatever it is. In the Telegraph article that Tony was citing, they used the Big 5 model, a psychological framework, to find participants’ dominant personality traits.

I have been interested in psychology and personality for a long time. That interest was rekindled when I went for my M Ed. A few years ago. Hanging with Debbie has rekindled my interest again.

The Big Five model further divides each of the 5 into two as follows:

1) Conscientiousness – industriousness (a self-disciplined and efficient attitude) and orderliness (tidiness and a routine-based lifestyle). I make the bed every morning.

2) Extroversion – enthusiasm (friendly, sociable outlook) and assertiveness (an ambitious and socially dominant attitude) I greet total strangers with a smile.

3) Agreeableness – compassion (caring for and about others) and politeness. I care about how my kids are doing and I like to open the car door for Debbie.

4) Openness to experience – intellect (competence and quickness to understand) and general openness (a creative, imaginative and reflective outlook) Debbie and I have been to many different restaurants and are exploring various soft serve ice cream stands. We call them field trips.

5) Neuroticism – withdrawal (feeling discouraged and self-conscious) and volatility of mood. Sometimes in the afternoon I take a nap. Naps are healthy.

Two qualities, enthusiasm and positive thinking, in other words, scoring low on the withdrawal aspect of neuroticism were the key factors for happiness. The traits most strongly linked to numerous measures of well being include; life satisfaction, self-acceptance, and a sense of mastery and direction in life.

What’s this have to do with exercise? The study sample size was small. Less than 200 participated. In addition, only 70% or so of the initial group completed the follow up survey at the end. So proof! Any meaningful data dissipated rapidly but Tony talked about it anyway. His graphic showed a bicycle rider. The picture reminded me that it is my favorite exercise. I wondered if it fit my personality traits.

I became interested in this so I found the Frontiers in Psychology website and started looking for the article itself. I couldn’t really find the article but it was a very small study. I found this reference to it in the Guardian. I misheard Tony. It was a University College of London study of 132 folks who were invited to join in a survey. The article is humorous.

I still like to ride on the bike trail by myself. Others like to ride in groups. I listen to music or a book or a podcast or the birds while I ride along. I prefer the aloneness of riding. When I was caring for Cheryl it took me away from the heartache of that activity. The summer after she died, it took my heart to a different place much like meditation. This summer it is hot but it has developed into a hobby and an interest that simply gets me outdoors.

I do not think I am neurotic. (I hope the Guardian link works.)

Carpe Diem.