Last evening I took Cheryl to Holy Thursday services. I was sceptical about her ability to do okay during the service. Evenings are often not the best. But she was fine. Not very wiggly and no chest tightness.
This song: Let me be your servant touched me deeply.
During the whole time it was being sung I was sitting in the chair in the hospital room at 3AM holding her hand so she could sleep.
When she regresses into delusional behavior and child-like activity it makes me sad. I sat with her that night pondering what was love, what is God, is there a God, is our situation unique, what is our purpose in life, what is the purpose of this activity as I sat in the darkness watching Cheryl sleep.
I don’t have the same feeling of church, God and religion that’s pounded into children’s heads as part of the Catholic Church and Catholic school education.
I’m going to be 70 this year. I’m still sorting through a lot of emotion and feeling left out of the confidence I see in others religiosity. Or, at least, I think I see. Mine is a constant questioning. I feel no comfort in going to church. I generally feel out-of-place in church. I understand that others get something that I do not.
But the words to this song touched me.