Anxiety and worry — always worse in the early morning hours. What am I forgetting? What is important tomorrow, er, today? Many of us have struggled with these thoughts during our working careers. Retirement would take us away from all that or maybe not. With Parkinson’s disease retirement plans dissipate quickly. The caregiver’s role is a full time activity.

Things forgotten — Losing a name, hunting for the correct word, using a different word because right one is not there.

Perception of the physical world — From birth most of us have a sense of touch, a sense of smell, a sense of sight, a sense of hearing, a sense of taste, a kinesthetic sense (where we are in space) and from these we develop an awareness of our selves and our surroundings. What happens when one or two or three of these go awry? When numbness appears in your extremities it is hard to feel a keyboard and if you spent your life keying input into a computer keyboard, it creates a frustration that can only be understood by you. When smell goes away, it takes with it most of our sense of taste. And plants the seed of, “do I have body odor?” Parkinson’s patients have a diminished kinesthetic sense. This one is the feedback to the brain about movement and motion. Close your eyes and listen to this sense. See if you can touch your nose with your finger. Touch is specially important cold, hot, wet, dry, pressure, soft.

When you can’t believe your senses — your brain can run wildly to extremes.

Trust in others – fades.

Anger and frustration – appear in the place of trust

Convincing solutions – certainty of how to fix it coming from a confused and less cogent brain.

Commitment – we’ll see… But not strong commitment to any fleeting solution to whatever the current issue is.

Love and caring – from the partner (who is also losing sleep) that loves you so much and wishes deeply that this was not happening. But what is the actual cause of interrupted sleep or real insomnia? So here’s a list of stuff from info published by the Parkinson’s foundation.

Problems with Sleep at Night — There are several (only two in this article) problems that people with PD may experience during the night:

1) Sleep Apnea — Sleep apnea can be seen in up to 40 percent of people with PD. Common symptoms include: Loud snoring – Cheryl occasionally snores but typically not and when she does it is not loud or at least loud enough that I cannot sleep. To me, listening to her, it is comforting because she seems to be resting peacefully. | Restless sleep — sometimes but this seems to occur after she has been struggling after some computer snafu that has kept her thinking about an issue before going to bed. | Sleepiness during the daytime – occasionally but not anymore than me. | Pause in breathing during night sleep – I do not think so, but, admittedly I am not awake all night listening to her breathe.

So, I the not-medical person but the person closest to Cheryl who lives with her, worries for her health, loves her to an extreme and would go to the ends of the earth to find some solution to her difficulty, rejects the immediate diagnosis of sleep apnea. I could be wrong but I do not think she has this problem.

2) REM Sleep Behavioral Disorder — Rapid eye movement, or REM, sleep is a normal part of the sleep cycle when people dream. Usually the only part of the body that moves during REM is the eyes, thus the name. | People with rapid eye movement sleep behavior disorder (RBD) do not have the normal relaxation of the muscles during their dreams. Therefore, they act out their dreams during REM sleep. | People with RBD may shout, kick their bed partner or grind their teeth. Sometimes, in moderate to severe RBD, people may have aggressive, violent behaviors, like getting out of bed and attacking their bed partner. | About half of people with PD suffer from RBD. It may develop after or along with the disease, but in most cases, it precedes the PD diagnosis by five to 10 years.

Cheryl did not exhibit any acting-out of dreams before her diagnosis that I can recall, but , admittedly between job travel, three children, soccer games, other sports, vacation travel, and life in general I do not recall much. I think I was generally pretty tired when I went to bed so if she kicked me I probably thought it was because I was snoring too loud. But a few years ago, after her PD diagnosis and after she began seeing a different neurological doctor she started to occasionally awaken me by talking in her sleep. And occasionally poking me in her dream. I could awaken her and she had no recall of what she had done or what she was dreaming about.

So, I think this may be worsening. This morning she woke up in the recliner chair in the living room with no memory of getting there.

RBD Treatment (from PD Foundation article) — Consider making environmental adjustments to protect the person with RBD and bed partner from injury. This may include padding the floor, using bed rails or sleeping in separate rooms. — Cheryl has only poked me occasionally and refers to me as “Jan”. (When she was a child, she and her sister Janice used to sleep together in a double bed. I think she is dreaming and I am in it as Janice.) |More; Clonazepam has been shown in large case series to improve RBD in 80 to 90 percent of cases. The dose of clonazepam required is low, usually from 0.5 mg to 1.0 mg. The adverse effects of clonazepam include nocturnal confusion, daytime sedation, and exacerbation of obstructive sleep apnea, if present. It is in generic form and not expensive. | More; Talk to your doctor about the over-the-counter sleep aid Melatonin. Doses up to 12 mg at night one hour before can improve RBD.  — Cheryl’s doctor has recommended Melatonin as a low key way to deal with a difficulty of getting to sleep. Perhaps it is time to develop a sleep routine and perhaps I need to be an active participant. https://www.parkinson.org/Understanding-Parkinsons/Symptoms/Non-Movement-Symptoms/Sleep-Disorders

Some anecdotes – Cheryl has become almost obsessive about incontinence. Perhaps every woman worries about this later in life. Perhaps it is merely exacerbated by the PD component of our lives. Nevertheless, she goes to bed with this on her mind and treats it with a pair of disposable underwear lined with another absorbent pad.

After 3 – 4 hours of sleep she awakens in a dream or at least confused and is convinced that she has leaked onto the bed. After discussing the fact that no others are with us she will throw those away and get a new set. Sometimes I have been able to convince her that there is nothing wrong, damp or funny-smelling about the bed but for the past couple nights I was unable to convince her.

Early this morning (9/29/19) she merely changed her paper underwear and went to sleep in the recliner where she awakened several hours later. She reported to me that she had no memory of how she got into the recliner although she has a fuzzy memory of putting the blanket we keep in the living area in the recliner and sitting on it. I heard her shuffling around a couple times but she may have been going to and from the other bathroom. (It is concerning to me that I have convinced myself to listen but not react to her wanderings at night and I am worried about her leaving while she is waking around in her dream state.)

And then when you think you are the only one with this problem, some one walks by with one ten times worse and you are humbled by that.

Then the sun comes up, you are tired but all is well. Be grateful for the day!

Accept with grace anything that happens for good or not so good. – even if you are pretty sure that Parkinson’s disease sucks.

It’s still dark
Thumps and jostling in the weak light
Clank of cereal in the bowl
Blank looks.

She’s up. Not awake, up.
Pills, staring at nothing.

I never feel a thing is real
When I’m away from you
Out of your embrace
The world’s a temporary parking place
Mmm, mm, mm, mm
A bubble for a minute
Mmm, mm, mm, mm
You smile, the bubble has a rainbow in it
Say, its only a paper moon
Sailing over a cardboard sea
But it wouldn’t be make-believe
If you believed in me
Yes, it’s only a canvas sky
Hanging over a muslin tree
But it wouldn’t be make-believe
If you believed in me
Without your love
It’s a honky-tonk parade
Without your love
It’s a melody played in a penny arcade
It’s a Barnum and Bailey world
Just as phony as it can be
But it wouldn’t be make-believe
If you believed in me

Life is fleeting. Life is slow. Life is changing. Life is constant. Life is crazy. Life is sane. Life is odd. Life is normal. Life is happy. Life is sad. Life is busy. Life is peaceful. Mostly life is. And everyday is precious.

My sister-in-law, Nancy, is one of the very few people that I have met in life who impresses me with her life. By that I mean she is a person who has influenced, encouraged and helped others and, more importantly, she causes me to ponder, study and reflect on many issues for which she is passionate in her support. In a recent admonishment on Facebook she gave me an idea to ponder research and discover from whatever source — the GOOD things that our current President, Donald J. Trump has accomplished and stop focusing on the bad things. So, rather than dismissing her comments (below) as a simple tirade, I use it as a departure point for attempting to understand her point of view.

–> Your term “hijacking the Republican primary” is hurtful and dismissive of the millions of Conservatives, like me, who voted to save our country from destruction. In my opinion, he was and IS the only person for the job! Hannity does not claim to be entertainment and he is not my favorite….try The Next Revolution’s Steve Hilton? Hannity does have an agenda, again, saving our country from destruction, aka the lies and corruption on the left AND in government/the SWAMP in general. He is there to keep our spirits up as the liberal left tries all day, every day, to beat Conservatives down. “Justice” has favored Dems for too long! It is supposed to be BLIND! And, sadly, The media is no longer there to report the news, most are there to get out their narratives. It would be helpful if smart folks like you tried looking into ALL of the GOOD that our President has done and stop dwelling on and perpetuating hate just because you don’t like someone’s personality?! The View, and all of us would be better served if we stopped the hateful, hurtful comments and looked for the GOOD. Our President LOVES our country and came from the business world and the entertainment world so some of his braggadocious (sic) personality came from that. We are all products of our upbringing and do our best to change and grow into the lives we are living now. 🤷🏻‍♀️
Praying for PEACE 🙏🙏😊

This small article will make reference to others that I have read in my research. I will show the link to these references and I hope that the links will still be active to anyone who reads this. If they are not, I apologize. Their are a lot of articles in many different publications. The first article (opinion piece) by Marc Theissen repeats in many daily newspapers as he is a syndicated columnist. By the way — the web address of the article referenced is in BOLD.

Since the comments were made on Facebook a social media website initial research was completed (but maybe not) by using various search phrases in Google; “What good things has Donald Trump accomplished as President?” was my initial search question. This of course elicited many of the same response because, I think, FOX & Friends stick together and repeat the same information over and over. Many of these including Kellyann’s list from WhitehouseDotGov are shown below with links.

I read a lot, especially about business ideas and what is new and what is affecting the markets and so on. Over time, through the blather I have collected some of my own list. All of us have our own reality based on our own perceptions, a solipsistic philosophy which is all our own.

Marc Thiessen’s answer is 10 from here (the list is almost a year old) – https://beta.washingtonpost.com/opinions/the-10-best-things-trump-has-done-in-2018/2018/12/31/a2de64b6-0d1b-11e9-84fc-d58c33d6c8c7_story.html?noredirect=on — admittedly it is an opinion piece but Marc Thiessen is on FOX News a lot so his opinion good or bad right or wrong appeals to conservative thought. He admits that his numbering scheme is arbitrary. And, Marc does not write “good”, he writes “best”.

10. He has secured the release of 19 people, including 16 Americans, from foreign captivity.

9. He delivered for the “forgotten Americans.” this is a reference to job creation

8. He worked with Democrats and Republicans to pass important legislation.

7. He has ushered in a golden age for women in the CIA.

6. His push to expand domestic energy production bore fruit.

5. In the six months after the Singapore summit with North Korea, he has made no concessions to Pyongyang.

4. He struck Syria again and eliminated the last vestiges of the Islamic State’s physical caliphate.

3. He’s continued his tough line with Moscow.

2. He pulled out of Obama’s disastrous Iran deal and reimposed crippling sanctions on Tehran.

1. He stood by Brett M. Kavanaugh and even in the worst moments never wavered.

Marc also says — That is a strong record of success. We’ll review the 10 worst things Trump has done in the next column. So, in the interest of presenting both sides his next talking points are shown below. Ten worst are here: https://beta.washingtonpost.com/opinions/the-10-worst-things-trump-did-in-2018/2019/01/02/f4025456-0eb0-11e9-84fc-d58c33d6c8c7_story.html

10. His comment about “shithole” countries blew up negotiations for a deal that would have given Trump his border wall.

9. His offensive tweets continued to undermine his presidency.

8. His misuse of power turned critics into martyrs.

7. He drove away suburban voters and caused the GOP to lose control of the House.

6. His graceless handling of Sen. John McCain’s funeral was a new low.

5. His handling of Jamal Khashoggi’s murder harmed America’s moral standing.

4. His news conference with Vladimir Putin in Helsinki was an embarrassment.

3. His policy to separate migrant children from their families at the southern border was an avoidable tragedy.

2. His planned withdrawal of U.S. forces from Afghanistan is a gift to the Taliban and al-Qaeda.

1. His pullout of all U.S. troops in Syria will take America’s boot off of the terrorists’ necks. (He hasn’t done this yet. Mattis left prematurely.)

Marc continues with — It is notable that, with the exception of troop withdrawals and family separations, most of the items on this list were transgressions of style rather than substance. With the mute button on, the Trump presidency is pretty good from a conservative policy perspective. And yet Trump’s approval rating at year’s end is just 39 percent — because most Americans don’t follow politics with the sound off.

The Atlantic is a magazine that I do not subscribe to but I read articles from online from time to time. Most magazines of this type will allow you to read so many articles per month (4 or 5 typically). At this place on the web they have pointed to many articles about things – good and bad – that Pres. Trump has accomplished. https://www.theatlantic.com/unthinkable/ Below are the Atlantic’s editor in chief’s words.

50 Moments That Define an Improbable Presidency

Jeffrey Goldberg Editor in chief of The Atlantic

Trump Administration Accomplishments from Whitehouse.gov

• Almost 4 million jobs created since election.
• More Americans are now employed than ever recorded before in our history.
• We have created more than 400,000 manufacturing jobs since my election.
• Manufacturing jobs growing at the fastest rate in more than THREE DECADES.
• Economic growth last quarter hit 4.2 percent.
• New unemployment claims recently hit a 49-year low.
• Median household income has hit highest level ever recorded.
• African-American unemployment has recently achieved the lowest rate ever recorded.
• Hispanic-American unemployment is at the lowest rate ever recorded.
• Asian-American unemployment recently achieved the lowest rate ever recorded.
• Women’s unemployment recently reached the lowest rate in 65 years.
• Youth unemployment has recently hit the lowest rate in nearly half a century.
• Lowest unemployment rate ever recorded for Americans without a high school diploma.
• Under my Administration, veterans’ unemployment recently reached its lowest rate in nearly 20 years.
• Almost 3.9 million Americans have been lifted off food stamps since the election.
• The Pledge to America’s Workers has resulted in employers committing to train more than 4 million Americans. We are committed to VOCATIONAL education.
• 95 percent of U.S. manufacturers are optimistic about the future—the highest ever.
• Retail sales surged last month, up another 6 percent over last year.
• Signed the biggest package of tax cuts and reforms in history. After tax cuts, over $300 billion poured back in to the U.S. in the first quarter alone.
• As a result of our tax bill, small businesses will have the lowest top marginal tax rate in more than 80 years.
• Helped win U.S. bid for the 2028 Summer Olympics in Los Angeles.
• Helped win U.S.-Mexico-Canada’s united bid for 2026 World Cup.
• Opened ANWR and approved Keystone XL and Dakota Access Pipelines.
• Record number of regulations eliminated.
• Enacted regulatory relief for community banks and credit unions.
• Obamacare individual mandate penalty GONE.
• My Administration is providing more affordable healthcare options for Americans through association health plans and short-term duration plans.
• Last month, the FDA approved more affordable generic drugs than ever before in history. And thanks to our efforts, many drug companies are freezing or reversing planned price increases.
• We reformed the Medicare program to stop hospitals from overcharging low-income seniors on their drugs—saving seniors hundreds of millions of dollars this year alone.
• Signed Right-To-Try legislation.
• Secured $6 billion in NEW funding to fight the opioid epidemic.
• We have reduced high-dose opioid prescriptions by 16 percent during my first year in office.
• Signed VA Choice Act and VA Accountability Act, expanded VA telehealth services, walk-in-clinics, and same-day urgent primary and mental health care.
• Increased our coal exports by 60 percent; U.S. oil production recently reached all-time high.
• United States is a net natural gas exporter for the first time since 1957.
• Withdrew the United States from the job-killing Paris Climate Accord.
• Cancelled the illegal, anti-coal, so-called Clean Power Plan.
• Secured record $700 billion in military funding; $716 billion next year.
• NATO allies are spending $69 billion more on defense since 2016.
• Process has begun to make the Space Force the 6th branch of the Armed Forces.
• Confirmed more circuit court judges than any other new administration.
• Confirmed Supreme Court Justice Neil Gorsuch and nominated Judge Brett Kavanaugh.
• Withdrew from the horrible, one-sided Iran Deal.
• Moved U.S. Embassy to Jerusalem.
• Protecting Americans from terrorists with the Travel Ban, upheld by Supreme Court.
• Issued Executive Order to keep open Guantanamo Bay.
• Concluded a historic U.S.-Mexico Trade Deal to replace NAFTA. And negotiations with Canada are underway as we speak.
• Reached a breakthrough agreement with the E.U. to increase U.S. exports.
• Imposed tariffs on foreign steel and aluminum to protect our national security.
• Imposed tariffs on China in response to China’s forced technology transfer, intellectual property theft, and their chronically abusive trade practices.
• Net exports are on track to increase by $59 billion this year.
• Improved vetting and screening for refugees, and switched focus to overseas resettlement.
• We have begun BUILDING THE WALL. Republicans want STRONG BORDERS and NO CRIME. Democrats want OPEN BORDERS which equals MASSIVE CRIME.

There is more but probably not from me. I care not what the Donald does. My total focus is on the person who lives with me and her disease and how I can better serve her needs. Stay tuned, there will be more theatrics from the White House and the reporters of the White House and to me it matters not.