admission of doubt

Great Unknowns

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For the past couple days Cheryl’s watch has been missing. It is THE WATCH. As a routine each night we place the watch on what I call the little hat. It is actually a little ring holder that was given to her by Anna. She put her rings and her watch on it but a little more that a year ago I purchased for her a gold chain to wear her rings as a necklace. She had lost enough weight in her hands that her rings would fall off in the car or a chair or the restaurant. This last was the scariest.

But I have digressed. –THE WATCH – has been missing since at least Wednesday. Kathy came to visit on Wednesday. I first noticed that her watch was missing in action when I made dinner and Cheryl and I sat down to eat it. She is right handed so she wears her watch on her left wrist. I noticed it was not on her wrist but I did not say anything because sometimes she does not wear it. Later when we went to bed I noticed that it was not on the little hat. For a couple days I would surreptitiously search for THE WATCH.

About noon today as she was preparing to take a shower and I was searching, I found her watch. She often puts rubber bands on collections of random items in her office. Her watch was on a book shelf in her office near some items that had been banded together. My heart leaped for joy. (I have not been following my own rule of looking around her office to see where things might be.)

Lately, however, I have become anxious about Cheryl’s mental health. The watch story is not about that, it seems to me to be slowly worsening as time goes on. And I think that I am getting used to it. (That idea makes me anxious and adds a fear of not recognizing changes immediately.) My daily notes about bedtimes, falls and other behavior are no longer daily. I note falls and other anomalies. Bedtimes are between 9:30 and 10:30 typically. Her impostor delusion (a noted behavior) seems to appear if she is up later than 11 PM and disappears into her office to “work on stuff.” Last night was one of those nights. I drove her around a four mile loop in the rain as she anxiously gripped her purse waiting to get home.

She was okay with me helping to change her clothes and get into bed when we got back. She wished me farewell and safe driving home. I left the bed room and open and closed a few doors as though I was leaving. I took off my jeans and sweatshirt that I had put on over my pajamas to make the drive. I turned off the lights and gently eased into our bedroom as her husband coming to bed. It worked. I worry that one time it will not work. So far my fear is unfounded but I still worry because I do not have another plan except for sleeping in the living area on the pull out sofa-bed.

At one time in the past I asked her if she remembered any of that. I learned that a reminder in the morning of odd behavior is unwarranted and perhaps even stupid. Introspection of failed ideas is useful.

I still wonder (and worry) about her failing memory and confusion and general mental heath. And of course how to pay for it all should she need extra care that I am unable to give her. Maybe I need some counseling? Or something to ease my mind? Engineers spend too much time what-iffing the situation.

On the morning news the U.S. Congress spent much of the taxpayer’s dollars annoying the CEO of TikTok. That social media platform gets more time per average viewer that Facebook and Twitter. Alas when will we discover the unimportance of Facebook and other social media? … except as another form of 1960’s TV.

Carpe Diem.

Reflections

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Sunday for me is a day of reflection.

As I loaded the dishwasher I thought of David our middle child. He and Melissa are not feeling well.

I thought about Anna as I started to write this. Perhaps I will call her later.

I sent a text to Scott and Mavis and asked about a do-over of our unsatisfactory Cracker Barrel experience. We were compensated by the manager with 4 free meals. Scott invited us for dinner instead. I volunteered dessert. It will be Cheryl’s favorite – pound cake. I cleverly ordered two box mixes when I ordered online from the Kroger near us. I rarely order from Kroger but I did the other day for pick up on Saturday.

Cheryl was worried about organizing an Easter party last night. She thinks Easter is tomorrow or next week. No matter how much I reassure her that it is not for a couple weeks yet she is worried about candy and small children and hard boiling eggs. I convinced her to sleep a little and we could do that in the morning. (I had hoped she would forget her anxiety.)

This morning as she was putting on clothes she made reference to those thoughts. I texted her sister Nancy since Nancy was part of Cheryl’s thoughts. Nancy came to visit for awhile. They talked for an hour or so.

Often on the weekend this road of Parkinson is disturbing for me. The dementia aspect of Cheryl’s Parkinson is disturbing for me. I wonder if there is a class or something I can do to feel more comfortable with helping her.

More reflection is needed.

Carpe Diem.

Anxious

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What makes you most anxious?

This writing prompt magically appeared from Word Press. What makes me the most anxious is the fact that some new symptom or behavior will appear with Cheryl’s Parkinson and I will not be able to help her. Coupled with that fear is the anxiety that little techniques that I have developed so far will quite working. And lastly I will have to give in to the fact that I can no longer care for her myself.

A Capgras Night

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When impostor syndrome rears its ugly head in the darkness of night it terrifies me.

I became Scott at dinner time. I realized that when she asked me where Mavis was. I answered truthfully which confused her.

She has developed a story in her head about us owning a different condo unit and moving to this one recently.

She tells me that the paint job is great.

She wanted me to walk her home. We walked out the rear garage access door around the building and in the front door though the lobby past Jane’s door and in our front door.

She seemed to recognize her place. As we came in she said she wanted to visit Jane. We came into our condo and I helped her with her coat. I hung it in the closet. She wanted to visit Jane.

I helped her over to Jane’s condo and quietly told Jane that Cheryl was unsure of where she lives. Jane is a wonderful friend and recognized that Cheryl was in crisis. Cheryl stayed with her for just a few minutes – maybe twenty. She told Jane she was very tired and needed to rest.

Jane helped her back across the hall and told me that tonight and on previous occasions Cheryl remarked that she was very tired.

When she got in I asked her if she wanted her bedtime pills and she readily agreed. As we sat and watched TV for a bit while the pills took affect she asked me again where Mavis and Zachary were.

Now she is resting in bed about an hour early.

In this case Jane seized the moment and was available to help.

Sometimes friends carpe the diem.

Sadly this seems to be getting worst and I without knowing what to do seem to be doing the only things that can be done.

From the link above:

What you can do first

With any of the neuropsychiatric symptoms of dementia, such as Capgras, we always try behavioral and environmental interventions before medications. The following can help family members manage:

  • Don’t argue with the belief. That just makes the person angrier and more convinced they are right.
  • Go with the emotion. Acknowledge your loved one’s fear, frustration, and anger.
  • Change the focus or redirect your loved one. Try to distract them with an activity, music, or a car ride.
  • Agree to disagree about this belief. Remind them that no matter who you are, you love and care for them and are there for them.
  • Be creative. In some cases, the caregiver accused of being an impostor may be able to leave the room to get the “real” person, then come back in and no longer be perceived as an impostor.
http://www.michiganmedicine.org

I have not tried the last one but I might. This is the first time I tried walking her home which seemed to sort of work (but only sort of).

Cheryl takes donepezil.

Carpe Diem (another good link)

As much as I want to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear this impostor syndrome thing is scary stuff. And it breaks my heart that God is putting her through this. The saving grace is that she does not remember these episodes.

(Update – Cheryl has reported a burning sensation when she urinates. Perhaps this prompted this particular episode.)

And Just When You Think

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…. that all is going great something misfires.

Different events in my own life cause me to remember stories from the Bible sometimes. The Bible is full of stories. This story from the new testament, Matthew, I think, talks about two sons reaction to something that their father has asked then to do. The first kid says, Yep. I will be there. And then he does not go. I suppose he goes off to hang with his bros. The story teller does not tell us. The second kid says, not today, Pops, I am hanging with my bros. But after his father leaves he goes and does what his dad asked him to do. The elephant in the room is, which kid did the right thing? The first kid outright lied to his father. What an asshat he is. The second kid did the right thing but was grumpy with his father initially.

It always strikes me that there is not a lot of lead in to this story and the following paragraph does not seem to segue into the story about the tenant farmers killing the owner’s son. But I have digressed.

Cheryl slept poorly overnight. When we saw her neurologist he made some adjustments to the meds that are supposed to help with her dementia and memory issues. This was the second night that she had taken the new dosage. She told me at one point her mind was racing. She eventually fell asleep somewhere between 2:30 and 3 am. I did anyway and she did not disturb me awake.

In the morning I let her sleep late by turning off the 7 am alarm. I started to tease her awake at a few minutes before 10 am. She eventually got up at 11 am. While I was waiting for her to get moving, I did a few things that had to happen:

  • stuffed envelopes with the ninety or so Christmas cards we send out each year and added a little newsy note like the rest of us that only communicate once in awhile.
  • wrapped some of the presents we purchased for the grand children and for some unknown child whose request was hanging on the giving tree at church last week.
  • balanced the check book because I forgot to do it on Friday
  • paid the property taxes because the escrow account said this was the day
  • helped her get out of bed and into the bathroom for meds and the the toilet
  • got her breakfast going and helped her out of the kitchen to get freshened up for the day
  • helped getting the shower going and made sure she was okay to take a shower by herself
  • rubbed the magic stuff in her hair after her shower and hair shampoo
  • made the bed

And on and on – making this about me in my head. It is easy to forget and add up this huge column of pluses and equate that with one unsought request. (sad face) Cheryl in the midst of all of this activity as she was combing her hair said the garbage needed to be removed from the small receptacle next to the toilet the receives last night’s protection and the occasional Kleenex tissue. It did not I insisted in a volume and timbre that was unnecessary.

So what does all that have to do with the Matthew mystery story. The first kid could have said, yes, I will be right there. I have this other thing to get rid of first. Is that okay, Dad? (Any reasonable father would have accepted this first step to rid oneself of the prior commitment.) The second son could have taken a deep breath and gone to do what his father asked. (He was apparently intending to do it anyway.)

I for my part could chosen either one of these two reactions to Cheryl’s need to have the garbage removed. I could have said I will do that in a minute but I need to finish this thing first without the snippy response or I could have merely removed the trash right then. I did remove it a little later. There was no reason for me to feel put upon.

Before that silly reaction by me all was well. Then suddenly something misfired.

Oh well. Carpe Diem.

Conversational Receptiveness and Dementia

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Communicative processes used to discover what is needed or desired by others in business or other walks of life work well with loved ones experiencing dementia and related memory issues. And while the single most important concept to remember is that short term memory loss affects every conversation, short term memory loss greatly affects attention span. Keep it short, keep it kind and keep it simple.

Here are some tips from an article in Psychology Today’ website:

  1. Consider the timing and mood of your recipient.
  2. Check your own emotional level.
  3. Be responsible for delivering clear communication.
  4. Consider using I-messages to avoid blaming or putting others on the defensive.
  5. Be a good listener (attentive) when receiving a communication.

And here are more from the Social Care Institute for Excellence website in UK:

Their focus is providing professional care to Alzheimer’s patients and those dealing with other sources of dementia. Their techniques are good to understand for non-professional care givers. I use this list to think about and discern how better to help Cheryl.

  • Minimize background noise
  • Relax
  • Think about how the person may be feeling
  • Always introduce yourself
  • Greetings or ‘verbal handshake’
  • Physical approach
  • Be aware of emotions and touch
  • Identify the emotional state of the response
  • Don’t be shy from tears or laughter
  • Say what you think the other feels
  • Keep it simple
  • Use the person’s name often
  • Use visual aids and prompts
  • Confirm understanding

Minimize background noise – I have noticed that Cheryl is easily distracted by almost anything that passes into her line of sight. I have noticed that Cheryl is unable to do two things simultaneously such as talk to someone and keep walking. I have noticed that Cheryl is unable to follow a conversation if two people talk animatedly about some topic in rapid succession or over the top of each other. I have noticed that Cheryl is unable to interpret words spoken with a different lilt or accent other than Midwest Cincinnati. I have noticed that she no longer watches any of her favorite shows on TV. With all of this considered if I want to gain her full attention, I remove all distractions.

Relax – I struggle with relaxing and letting go for a bit if she is out of my sight. As her disease progresses and I see her falter with balance issues, stumbling gait and postural difficulties, my anxiety about her future (and mine) often comes through in my voice. I may say things or express opinions that can easily interpreted as rude, pedantic and egotistical. For those times I apologize to her and you.

Think about how the person may be feeling – I do not do this enough. It is easy from the outside to forget that the person is not the disease. Parkinson seems to make this harder because in one moment she will be “fine” and in the next she will be “off” – not necessarily physically off, mentally off and physically fine. I find this confusing and my default is not “she’s confused – help her”. My default tends toward preachy pedantic lecture.

Always introduce yourself – Most of the time I do not need to do this. I can understand that it may be important for a professional to do this. Occasionally Cheryl is unsure of who I am. Mostly this occurs in the evening if she experiencing a bit of Sundowning. (Sometimes I am “that guy who brings the pills”) Sometimes I tell who I am if I think she will accept it. Sometimes I leave it alone. The important thing is to not be insistent that she is wrong about who I am.

Physical approach – I have noticed that Cheryl startles much more easily than she did before Parkinson (bP). This comes in many forms visually and audibly but the important thing is to not surprise her. Surprises often lead to backing up and falling down which is her usual method of falling. She will move away suddenly from the perceived surprise.

Be aware of emotions and touch; identify the emotional state of the response; do not be shy of tears or laughter – I think these fit together as emotional response to conversation. Sometimes to me it is surprising that she will have tears about telling you that Laurencia is going to Ohio State University. I can understand that talking about her deceased mother will cause tears. Nevertheless it is important to understand that a person suffering with Parkinson may have her emotions very close to the surface. Try to remain calm but it is okay to “have a moment” and be with her. One memory often elicits another more tender memory and things tumble downhill quickly.

Keep it simple; use the person’s name often or the other person’s name if telling a story; use visual aids and prompts – pictures of children; confirm understanding – I have noticed that Cheryl may lose the thread of any story or conversation easily. She will not indicate in any way that she has lost track of what you are telling her. You may detect that she has lost it by some response that she makes. Simply reiterate some part of the story to help her recall. Do not get bogged down in correcting her mistaken thinking. Do not raise your voice to emphasize the correct story, time of day, holidays coming up, time of the year or who is coming to dinner. She will not remember but she will think that you are frustrated, angry or disappointed and respond with – I’m sorry.

Finishing– Just as you prepared to start a visit and conversation, so you must think about how you will bring it to a close. I do this many times a day. (For visits) When you are leaving the our home, make sure you say goodbye. Cheryl may think that you are still here, perhaps in another room. This may cause confusion or anxiety later. Ensure you have her attention, smile, and let her know you enjoyed your time together and the conversation. Shaking her hand or hugging her is a common gesture which gives her a strong clue you are leaving. Leave her reassured and let her know you look forward to talking again.

https://www.scie.org.uk/dementia/after-diagnosis/communication/conversation.asp

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/healing-sexual-trauma/202008/5-essential-strategies-effective-communication

I spend a lot of time reading articles and searching for useful ideas to help Cheryl. This post is a sort of summary of two of those and how I think I can better communicate with her.

I am still not good at that.

Carpe Diem.

Christmas and Parkinson

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Cheryl has it in her head that Christmas is any minute now. The calendar fact that Halloween is next week does not dissuade her vision of the immediate future. Often when she makes comments almost daily now about cards, cookies, toys and generally shopping for the grand kiddos, I correct her and point out that we have about eight weeks to go before we need to worry.

We have only one grand child under the age of fifteen. My secret grand plan was to give every kid money and let them go find something that they covet. Zachary is only five so shopping for him takes us back to when the parents were that small. Good memories and fun times were had by all and I admit I like to shop for little people. (Maybe I should tell my soon to be fifty year old daughter that her mom is getting her a Raggedy Ann for Christmas. Be surprised and delighted. Is Raggedy Ann still around?)

So why are men so obstinate? Why am I stuck on correcting her delusion about the calendar time? I am not going to let her miss anything. She seems to not be disappointed when she indicates Christmas is next week and I say, no it is the week after or some such other baloney to satisfy her that the perceived need is not urgent. She wants to put up some Christmasy decorations. Why not? What is the harm if it satisfies her that all is in readiness?

Cookies

Two days ago like many days previous she wanted to make cookies for Christmas. Yesterday early in the day I put together the dough in preparation. It was our intention to make the cookies after we came home from dinner last evening. It did not happen as we became distracted with watching a couple PBS shows that are our favorites. I promised today after exercise class we would make cookies.

After a little lunch we got started on the cookies. In my maleness I sort of bossed her out of the way to start the process. Why I did that I am still discerning. Maybe in another life I will know why or not. She wanted to make the dough balls for the snicker doodles. I reluctantly backed off shifted into check-on-her mode.

Music

I once worked for a small company that had a six hour loop tape of Christmas music that played on the hold line of the office phone. One of the partners had read a book about how office workers liked to hear and were more efficient with music playing. He piped the hold music into the overhead speakers. It was like working in an elevator that was stuck on the wrong floor. It was agony.

She said to me, “Get your music machine out and turn on Christmas music.” She means Alexa. I cringed when she told to do that. I think I grumped a little too and then I went to get the hockey puck I move around to listen to music. A Christmas song or two in among others is okay. WARM 98’s idea of solid Christmas music, old, new, good, bad, chipmunks, Benedictine monks, rock and roll, country-western, some group of nuns, Bing Crosby, etc. a few years ago lost me as a listener. That was not a big deal to them since I rarely listened to their station. Five weeks of Christmas music is agony to my ear. I feared the worst was going to happen – Christmas carols from Halloween to Christmas. There would be no “Monster Mash”. I said loudly, “Alexa, play Christmas music!”

Christmas music always makes Cheryl nostalgic. She remembers the olden days when she was a child. Nostalgia makes people tear up. Cheryl is no different. With her version of Parkinson, her emotions are on her sleeve. “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas” started coming from Alexa. Bing was doing he usual great job. Cheryl was five when this movie became a favorite in the post war ‘50s. In the middle of scooping cookie dough into one inch balls she started to cry. There is nothing I can say to assuage her nostalgia and longing for her childhood. Those are most of the only clear memories that she has. A runny nose and drippy eyes are not useful for rolling cookie dough into balls for snicker-doodles so I eased her out of the way into a chair while I finished rolling the cookies.

I suppose we will do cards another day. Why are men so obstinate?

Carpe Diem.

Decision Making is Hard

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In Cheryl’s case,  decisions can be remarkably difficult. They are made worse by deadlines. Lack of understanding of the day or next event add on difficulty. The decision to day is – what to wear?

Parkinson is a big enough trial when it is only a mobility issue.  When cognitive function is affected. It is just plain harder. You as a care partner can help with calmness or not. That thought sent me off into mindfulness and discernment about how to help by not emphasizing the time.

Today is the date of the Sunflower Rev it up for Parkinson’s symposium.  It is an information and exercise presentation by UC Health in Cincinnati.  And we are getting a late start.

Although we had talked about it last night before bed and I had emphasized getting to bed on time, so that we could get up on time. Admittedly this morning I cared little about going to the symposium but it is a useful thing to Cheryl and occasionally I learn something new. When the alarm went off she awakened but showed little interest in getting up. After some reluctance I encouraged her to get up and have some cereal to get started.

The wild enthusiasm for life, a better life with Parkinson can be intimidating to those of us who through our new duties of care partner and might have been hoping for a more relaxed environment in later life. So when Cheryl started hinting at not feeling up to going I seized on it but perhaps a little to enthusiastically because she changed her mind with little time to spare and we left. But not before I gained the opportunity to point out the lateness of the hour.

Thank God for the great science interspersed between the impromptu exercise. The lecture portion is familiar and reminiscent of many college courses from my earlier years. Bliss.

In a presentation about new chemicals and old standard chemicals I notice that most have the same set of side effects.  The side benefits seem to alternate between diarrhea and constipation, insomnia and narcolepsy, yadda yadda yadda. Of course the doctors and scientists would prefer that patients not focus on the side benefits but those are still there whether you ignore them or not.

A gentleman told his personal story about PD and his journey. Being an ex-football player and wrestler in college he was attracted by the various boxing style PD programs. Rock Steady Boxing was founded in 2006 to empower people with Parkinson’s disease (PD) to fight back through a non-contact, boxing-style fitness regimen and emotional support. The program started in a tiny gym in Indianapolis, Indiana. His coach told him – If it is to be, it is up to me. (Inspirational) He and some others have formed a group – Romeo (retired old men eating out).  Social gatherings are important . One can never give up.

There are things you can do that will make things easier like, no button down shirts.

There’s no hope without data reported Kim who is a research scientist. I like the science. I hate the disease. I do not know where my attitude is today. Perhaps it is still in bed thinking about a Saturday sleep in and then a visit to my son’s house for the fantasy football draft festivities.

But it was worthwhile going.

Carpe Diem.

Order, Routine and Chaos

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I have heard said that a police officer’s career is days of pure boredom punctuated with fifteen minutes of shear terror. As a caregiver to one with a chronic disease that tends toward dementia, the experience is similar.

This is a long story and I am not a hero to Cheryl. I let her down.

I lost it

It is August 26, 2022. Yesterday was a good day. At least it began that way. Cheryl slept a little later. I helped her get up at about 8:30 am.

Just a regular day was beginning. She had exercise class at noon. We came home to a leftover pizza lunch as was the plan.

She had been telling me about getting a new hanging plant at Pipkin’s which is a place that neighbor Jane talks about often. She also told me she needed new socks. I proposed we go do a little shopping in the afternoon and she agreed.

A trip to J. C. Penney ensued and we returned home via Pipkin’s garden store on Cooper Rd. As we pulled into the parking lot at home my pocket began sounding the alarm for her 4PM meds. She had been telling me that she was tired and wanted to lay down. I suggested she take her meds and rest for a bit.

There are too many distractions for a parkie in our condo-minimum. Cheryl first needs to check for messages on the phone (routine). These days only Hoxworth blood center leaves messages. Sometimes one of the Scam Likely folks will make a mistake and tell me how to save money with Visa, Discover and MasterCard or how to get better Medicare coverage. I am uninterested but Cheryl is worried someone might need her. The meds are ignored while messages are checked. The phone and message retrieval is an overwhelming puzzle to her. She winds up looking at her computer which is off. This leads her to notice the pile of old birthday and note cards on her desk from times past when she was organizing them. She remembers little of this so they are a new discovery. I reminder of her meds from the other room.

As I look back at this little episode I realize that it occurs often when we are home in the afternoon. She acknowledges the alarm on her phone and ignores the meds as she goes back to whatever distraction she has selected (order). I remind her to take her meds and hang out until I see her do it. She comes into the kitchen in response to my entreaty to take her meds. With that done I retrieved two frozen pork chops from the freezer to thaw for dinner. I explained that I intended to make pork chops, some roasted potatoes and broccoli for dinner. Perhaps I would make some tomato chopped salad also. She agreed that would be good and maybe we could eat on the porch.

I reminded her that she had wanted to lay down for a bit and retreated to the porch to read my book for awhile and let the chops thaw. I told Alexa to set a reminder for 5PM and continued with the adventures of Detective Sergeant McAvoy.

Alexa reminded me at five o’clock to get up out of the chair and prepare dinner. Coming in I heard Cheryl’s phone alarm reminding her to take her 5PM meds which is a blood pressure medication. When I entered the kitchen I saw that she had emptied the silverware drawer onto the counter and had several glasses of water set up on the other end of the counter. I wrongfully admonished her for getting at the silverware out and asked why she had done that. As she launched into her to meaningless explanation I should have calmed down and accepted it but I did not. I lost it which generated some rage in both of us. (chaos). I put the silverware drawer back together and began to prepare dinner.

She asked what she could do to help and I said that she could set the table outside on the porch. I reminded her that she wanted to sit out on the porch. She responded okay and went off to do something else. Since I was chopping potatoes and breading pork chops I quit paying attention to her while I was doing that. I realized eventually that she was going to set the table in the dining area and when I asked about that she told me that she would set both tables. She insisted that we would need more room for the kids. I must have been smoldering in the background because I flared up again.

The kids are not coming. No kids live with us. I said with louder than normal anxiety in my voice. And besides I only cooked enough for you and me. I put out place mats and plates and silverware and asked her to please sit down. The dinner was ready to come out of the oven and did she want water or a coke with dinner.

I busied myself with getting the food out of the oven and onto serving plates and bowls. When I started putting things onto the table she had wandered off to look on the back porch. She said David was here and I replied that he was not with more volume than was needed. We eventually sat down to the inside table. She served herself ½ a pork chop, some potatoes and broccoli. After she had put some gravy on her plate she started to get up holding the gravy boat. I took it from her and asked where she was going again. She was going to take some gravy to the kids. And I insisted that there were no extra people, kids or otherwise.

She became angry with me and left to get help. I sat for a minute or so and listened for the outside door to slam. It did not so I went looking for her. She had gone upstairs in the front hallway and I think became confused when she did not recognize the upstairs of our old house. I coaxed her down without her falling face first down the steps and suggested we go to the ice cream parlor for dessert. We ate dinner and I cleaned up the dishes.

Aglamesis’s for ice cream was a big hit. There were several little people there as always making swift work of their ice cream cones. She had chocolate chip and I had a two-fer dutch chocolate with choclate sauce and nuts and whipped cream. (I know but it was great.)

We went home and TV for a bit. And later as she became tired she was still agitated and worried about David. She kept looking for David. I suggested that we call David on the phone and we did. I did not give David any preamble but I did explain to him with Cheryl sitting there that she was concerned about his well-being. He talked to her for a bit and assured her that all was well.

After we hung up she said, “David is staying with David and Melissa? Well I guess they have plenty of room.”

Today that is all gone past but she did express a slight confusion about David staying with David and Melissa. Somewhere in the back of her mind was a mindfulness of her confusion and to her it was/is scary.

Sometimes it is very hard for the care partner to remain calm. I am still learning this.

Carpe Diem (even if you do not want to seize it.)

Tonight it is Chicken Fried Rice

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I did not know that fried rice recipes are intended to use up left over rice from the previous day or two until I looked for recipes for (something) fried rice to make tonight for dinner.

Yesterday when Cheryl was making me nervous in the kitchen that is what she kept talking about, fried rice. So last night after I apologized profusely I told her tonight we would make fried rice together. We did. She did some of the chopping and egg scrambling. I did the frying over the hot part of the stove. It worked and it was pretty darn good.

In preparation last night I cooked some rice and put into the fridge. I took some frozen chicken out of the freezer and put it in the fridge to thaw. Tonight we chopped and fried and stirred and cooked.

The general activity:

  • 1 chicken breast – pounded, salt and peppered, chopped into thin strips
  • 3 large eggs – scrambled with a little water
  • 1 C. frozen mixed veggies, pick out the big green beans and chop them smaller. My package has peas, carrots, corn and green beans
  • 1 medium size yellow onion chopped
  • 1/2 tsp. of garlic pepper. I was out of garlic cloves. I usually have some. Use two if you have some.
  • 2-3 tsp. of sesame oil
  • 2-3 tsp of soy sauce (plain old LaChoy)
  • salt and pepper
  • vegetable oil for frying

I don’t own a wok. I used to own a wok. I am more familiar with a 12 inch cast iron skillet that I own. It works fine for this kind of stuff. We have had it for fifty years or so so it is well seasoned.

Fry the eggs after Cheryl turns them into scrambled mix. I add a little water to them like the Frugal Gourmet taught me years ago. (Remember him? Sad. He has some good recipes though. I kept his books.) Fry the eggs with about a tsp. of vegetable oil. remove them to a plate and chop them into pieces you will add them back later. After marinating the chicken chopped into thin strips for a bit in sesame oil and salt and pepper (I also pounded it out into a flat shape as though I was going to make chicken-fried-chicken ala Cracker Barrel) add a tablespoon or so of vegetable oil in the skillet and cook the chicken to golden brown. (Gently you can go too far.) Toss in the onion and garlic. Keep frying. Toss in the frozen veggies. (At some point you may feel the need to add more vegetable oil. Be careful.) Keep frying. Dump in the pre-cooked rice. Keep frying. Add a little sesame oil and taste it. Keep frying. when you are ready add the soy sauce. I guessed two tablespoons or so, but I do not measure at this point. I taste. It might need a little salt or more soy sauce. — Probably 30 minutes from beginning to the end and eating.

I should have taken a picture but we ate most of it before I thought to do that. I gotta get more Tik Tok. I rarely think to photograph foods that I am preparing unless I have impressed myself.

Carpe Diem.