mood

More on Parkie Time

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There is lots of discussion about apathy and Parkinson. This morning I decided that Parkinson merely enabled Cheryl’s brain with a different sense of urgency or importance. Perhaps I needed to embrace that.

Last night as I coaxed her to bed her impostor syndrome was strong. We drove around for a few minutes and looked at the Christmas decorations while we “drove home”. It usually works and she thinks she is home. It did not work completely that night but she seemed to accept the fact that she was very tired and needed to rest. She went to bed with pajamas on the bottom and her normal daytime shirt on the top (just in case).

In the morning she slept late. When I woke her and got her going I pointed out that she had about two hours until her exercise class started, so she had to move it along unless she did not want to go. She refused to be speeded up and responded that I have been late before. She thinks exercise is important and wants to do it and enjoys it once she gets started. I know that it helps her too. But my sense of urgency and lateness is much different than hers.

I shifted my schedule to agree with her parkie time. My urgency evaporated along with my stress associated with getting her moving.

Small adjustments reduce stress

Carpe late Diem.

Feeling Groovy / not Groovy

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How do I feel today? I write little scribbles here because it is a kind of therapy. If I find a little story in my head and I think I can tell the story. I do. I do not concern myself with who reads it. It is written for me.

Lately I have been listening to Simon and Garfunkel albums. Songs from old vinyl and from Alexa. This is the music of my high school years. For whatever reason, recently, it has become the background song track of my life.

It strikes me as interesting how many of these songs I know the lyrics to. It is also remarkable how that can lift my spirits. The 59th Street Bridge song just went by and I asked Alexa to repeat it. That is a super cool feature. It reminds me what a wonderful and amazing world we live in!

Feeling groovy about that!

Covid-19 virus, kungfu flu, Chinese virus, novel corona virus, whatever you choose to call it or slander it with, it has caused virtually everything to stop. In retrospect, Parkinson’s is good training for that. Much of our “running around” life went away with Parkinson’s disease. Lots more planning is involved.

The sound track plays “Bridge of Troubled Water” and makes me mindful of how much more intimate and involved our life has become as Cheryl deals with her symptoms and I help her to do so.

When you're weary, feeling small
When tears are in your eyes, I'll dry them all 
I'm on your side, oh, when times get rough
And friends just can't be found
Like a bridge over troubled water
....
Sail on silver girl
Sail on by
Your time has come to shine
All your dreams are on their way
See how they shine
Oh, if you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind
... Bridge over Troubled Water  - Simon & Garfunkel

These words, I did not copy them all, are a perfect description of the role of a caregiver. I actually teared up while Paul Simon (Alexa) was singing a moment ago. He makes me think about the importance of this job that was given to me above all my objections.

But not feeling groovy about that.

The first thing I remember
When you came into my life
I said I'm gonna get that girl
No matter what I do
Well I guess I'd been in love before
And once or twice I been on the floor
But I never loved no one
The way that I loved you
And it was late in the evening
And all the music seeping through
... Late in the evening - Paul Simon

I guess your journey through life can be happy without love for another. I am not wired that way. Each day with Cheryl is a new and valuable experience. More and more I recognize that to be an undeniable truth. It is, however, very hard to watch her deterioration.

But, all in all, Feeling Groovy. This is a great way to express my current state of mind.