Dear Cheryl,

I have not written to you for awhile. You know that I miss you on and off. I never know when that will be. Now is one of those times.

Let me explain. Yesterday Debbie and I had a July 4^th grill out spontaneously on the 6^th because she was off that day and we wanted to do that. She invited Nancy (You remember Nancy from church? You used to put Kleenex in her basket when you forgot the where you put the money I gave you?) and Debbie’s daughter Sarah was there as well as Adam. Sarah’s new gentleman friend, Gavin and his son Conner came too. It was fun and we had hamburgers and corn and Tommy’s potatoes. (I wish you were here. You would have loved it.)

When Nancy left in the early evening, she asked me if I was ever coming back to church. My answer was and is, I don’t know.

When you were alive I knew it was important to you. I think for me it has never been as important to me as it was to you. Now that you are gone it has little importance for me. I realize now that the attraction to mass and church and being involved was driven by you and the kids and their early involvement. I am not sure that I have that same drive that you did. You were better at church than I am.

And now, church is changing again. As I write this I realize that the whole church thing was a stability in our life. It was an anchor. We both went. When you became sicker it was a need for me. I needed to take you there so that the constant of church was still there in your life and ours. All of the rest of our existence was shattering as we came to our end.

Nancy mentioned to Debbie as she left that she hoped she had not upset me by asking about church. She did not. But she did make me think about it. Today I am thinking about attending daily mass. That would put church back into my life on my own basis.

After searching another Nativity’s webpage, I found the information pictured here. My first impression is that Church of the Nativity is being slowly disassembled. And eventually this year, I guess, the five parishes will be something else – Transfiguration?

Another piece of our life will be gone.

I am still processing the fact that you are gone. It will be that way for the rest of my time here without you.

Debbie is great and I love her and I love being around her.

Today I am thinking about you and church and stability. It appears that Nativity has a daily mass on Tuesday and Friday at 8:15am. Daily is two days a week.

The universe is distracting today. I will review how many days make a weeks worth of days.

Thanks for listening to me today. I can hear you encouraging me to return to church without you. I will consider it. (I am in discernment.)

I will love you always,

Paul