It is so easy to creep into denial mode when caring for a loved one with a chronic disease. The care activity takes so much of the the daily activity that one can feel guilty about merely sitting and reading a book.
I read books a lot. It is the major consumption of my time the other major part of the pie being a care partner to my wife.
It is rare that I will ask for any help. When others ask how am I? or How are we doing? I deny the fact that on some days we are swirling around the drain. Maybe because on other days life is swell. I merely reply, we are fine.
After all not everyone needs to know and who needs that comment, “You are so blessed.”
We are fine even if we are in denial.
Adjunct_Wizard 
sometimes, when you care for loved ones, that’s just the reality isn’t it? visiting from FMF12
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I give thanks that my husband is healthy. For short periods of time than you I have been a caregiver also. I chose the people to be vulnerable with carefully and their prayers helped. Your wife is blessed to have you.
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I disagree. We need to share our struggles and allow others to serve us. When we refuse help, we are robbing others of a blessing. I pray that you learn to allow others to bless you.
FMF # 15
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I understand and I do sometimes. The whole “how are you doing” thing typically comes from acquaintances that have not seen us for a while. Family and close friends help without being asked. “There is grace in allowing someone to help you” is something my wife used on her mother when Elaine was still alive. It is hard to overcome my maleness and allow others into our life…. still working on that.
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You’ll get there.
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Being a carer for a loved one is truly draining, but I learned the hard way to choose carefully who to trust my struggles with.
Just stopped by from FMF #17
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Hi Wizard, I appreciate your wording… I liked the imiagery of the swirling drain. Thank you for sharing with us.
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We have a friend who just lost her dad to Alzheimers after taking care of him, for many months. She worked so hard to keep him home and has suffered emotionally and physically from it. I admire her dedication but what other way is there when it is someone you love? “Huggs”.
Sheila Scherlin
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My heart goes out to your friend. There is no other way I think. I have come to believe that my purpose in this life is to take care of Cheryl. That does not mean that I have to like it. But she is the love of my life. She is where I am home. 🙂 I have had conversations with total strangers about our situation and replied, “we’re fine” to acquaintances. Some are good some are not so much. Some days I am certain there is a God. Some days it is hard to see Him anywhere. Thanks for reading.
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