It was an totally off the wall question from her as we finished up the waffles I made for breakfast. (I have finally succeeded at chocolate chip waffles without screwing up the waffle iron.) She looked at me sincerely with a forkful of waffle and asked me, do you have sons? I replied, yes we have two sons. We have two sons?, she repeated. Do you know who I am?, I asked her. No I am not sure, she said.
This morning she is not sure who I am. She accepts the fact that I am here with her. She does not question why. I am at a loss for words and ideas as to how to return her to now.
This morning she is not sure where she is either. This inability to understand where she lives usually aligns with her inability to know who I am. It seems to present after a night of poor sleep. Early this morning she awakened at 1:30 AM or so and became anxious about having something to eat and taking her pills. She was certain I was keeping her medication from her no matter how many times I explained that it was too early.
Where are we going to church? After a few minutes of conversation about sons and their ages, she asked me this question. I replied that we would be going to Nativity at about 4PM this afternoon which led to a discussion about what day this is and what is going on tomorrow. I thought she was back.
And then she asked me, is your wife going? I did not immediately respond and she asked will you introduce me? This group does not talk much about family. I would like to know more about this family. (smiley face) I thought to myself, this could be a long day of confusion.
As I write this I am listening to her talk to my brother-in-law in Florida. Cheryl inadvertently dialed him while looking at other stuff on her phone. She stopped the call but Bill called back to ask if something was wrong. There was but he was not able to tell from his far away position in Florida. They chatted for awhile and I thought she was slowly coming back to reality. Alas, she was not. After she terminated the connection she asked me where was this place we had spent the day. This is where we live, I told her. This is our home.
Confusion about going to church and time to be up seems a common theme of the overnight early morning discussions. This morning after the discussion about medication schedule and when the next dose was due she reported that she had a queasy stomach. She wanted something to eat. I got her some cereal and orange juice. As she spied the pills for 7AM the conversation returned to – I should be taking medicine now. She can be remarkably confrontational and difficult in her early morning confusion. I moved the meds to my office. She ate a little cereal and juice. She eventually announced that she could eat no more cereal.
We sat down in living room for a while and I coaxed her back to bed. Queasy stomach was still part of the conversation. She gobbled a couple Tums. She was unable to sleep without her bucket. She curled up with her bucket angry with me and eventually fell asleep. So did I. I have no doubt that her stomach was queasy although that was a new description.
On our visit to the neurology group did produce a new prescription to help with memory issues which relates to cognition and a whole host of other issues that tumble down from that. The new thing is Rivastigmine which is supposed to help. So far after half dozen doses, the jury is still out. I have been meticulous at making sure that she eats food when she takes this medicine. It can cause nausea.
She is anxious about fund raising for the Sunflower Revolution. She very much wants to raise more money than last year. Even as I explain that she does not have to provide the money, she worries that the word will not get out. My daughter and I have taken over the marketing of this for her.
Carpe Diem this has been a long day.
My heart aches for you all. Thank you for continuing to share your story, your journey, your care, your perspective. You help others know they are not alone.
It was an eye popping question. 😉 Thanks for your kind words. It’s a journey.
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