Random Thoughts

Dan is Coming

Posted by

0

Cheryl particularly looks forward to visiting with family and friends. She also is close with several women from grade school. They refer to themselves as the Clementines. Lately they have been meeting via Zoom because several of them are taking care of folks that have immunodeficiency in some way. Cheryl really misses the face to face interaction they used to have in a restaurant somewhere.

Today her brother Dan brings lunch. They will sit and talk about family things.

A few days ago many of her siblings gathered at a restaurant to celebrate Dan’s birthday. I was there. I refer to myself as Cheryl’s personal Uber driver but lately I pay closer attention so that I can help her remember what was said and who is doing what to whom. It is not a task that I relish. It is what I do.

As a family group, their generation is beginning to die off. The second oldest died last year in the chronavirus pandemic. They seem to talk to each other more about their personal lives. Most of them are very quiet about that. The youngest talks often about what is happening in his life. He is a new grandfather and soon to be again. All of them live locally within an hour drive.

Our two families deal with grief and loss very differently. My sister and I talk on the phone more often than we did when Mom and Dad were still alive but even so, we might go weeks without doing so. Our older brother and the oldest sibling died last Spring. Our core group has been reduced to two. My sister and I are separated by two thousand miles and three time zones.

… And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

from Desiderata by Max Ehrmann

Another favorite thought

Carpe Diem. July is almost completed.

Do You Have Sons?

Posted by

2

It was an totally off the wall question from her as we finished up the waffles I made for breakfast.  (I have finally succeeded at chocolate chip waffles without screwing up the waffle iron.)  She looked at me sincerely with a forkful of waffle and asked me, do you have sons?  I replied, yes we have two sons.  We have two sons?, she repeated.  Do you know who I am?, I asked her.  No I am not sure, she said.

This morning she is not sure who I am.  She accepts the fact that I am here with her.  She does not question why.  I am at a loss for words and ideas as to how to return her to now.

This morning she is not sure where she is either.  This inability to understand where she lives usually aligns with her inability to know who I am.  It seems to present after a night of poor sleep.  Early this morning she awakened at 1:30 AM or so and became anxious about having something to eat and taking her pills.  She was certain I was keeping her medication from her no matter how many times I explained that it was too early.

Where are we going to church?  After a few minutes of conversation about sons  and their ages, she asked me this question.  I replied that we would be going to Nativity at about 4PM this afternoon which led to a discussion about what day this is and what is going on tomorrow.   I thought she was back.

And then she asked me, is your wife going?  I did not immediately respond and she asked will you introduce me?  This group does not talk much about family.  I would like to know more about this family.  (smiley face)  I thought to myself, this could be a long day of confusion.

As I write this I am listening to her talk to my brother-in-law in Florida.  Cheryl inadvertently dialed him while looking at other stuff on her phone.  She stopped the call but Bill called back to ask if something was wrong.  There was but he was not able to tell from his far away position in Florida.  They chatted for awhile and I thought she was slowly coming back to reality.  Alas, she was not.  After she terminated the connection she asked me where was this place we had spent the day.  This is where we live, I told her.  This is our home.

Confusion about going to church and time to be up seems a common theme of the overnight early morning discussions.  This morning after the discussion about medication schedule and when the next dose was due she reported that she had a queasy stomach.  She wanted something to eat. I got her some cereal and orange juice.  As she spied the pills for 7AM the conversation returned to – I should be taking medicine now. She can be remarkably confrontational and difficult in her early morning confusion. I moved the meds to my office. She ate a little cereal and juice. She eventually announced that she could eat no more cereal.

We sat down in living room for a while and I coaxed her back to bed. Queasy stomach was still part of the conversation. She gobbled a couple Tums. She was unable to sleep without her bucket. She curled up with her bucket angry with me and eventually fell asleep. So did I. I have no doubt that her stomach was queasy although that was a new description.

On our visit to the neurology group did produce a new prescription to help with memory issues which relates to cognition and a whole host of other issues that tumble down from that. The new thing is Rivastigmine which is supposed to help. So far after half dozen doses, the jury is still out. I have been meticulous at making sure that she eats food when she takes this medicine. It can cause nausea.

She is anxious about fund raising for the Sunflower Revolution. She very much wants to raise more money than last year. Even as I explain that she does not have to provide the money, she worries that the word will not get out. My daughter and I have taken over the marketing of this for her.

Carpe Diem this has been a long day.

Old Cars

Posted by

0

I have never really been a car guy. The first car that I owned was a 1956 Chevrolet not a Bel-Air, the other one. Two tone white over blue. I bought it from my grandfather for $100 in 1968 or so. Mom insisted I pay grandpa for it. I am pretty sure he would have given it to me. I gave him $100 of my hard earned cash in cash from random jobs.

I loved that car. It had a steering wheel like you see in buses today. It was huge. A friend of mine and I rebuilt the engine. Replaced several of the valves. It was a good experience many kids today have not had. Spending your own money. Fixing something that you can use for yourself, some work that you can be proud of and show off. I was seventeen then. Life was good. I was living on Dad’s dime and gave my cash to grandpa.

When we got married, my wife had purchased a 1969 light blue VW beetle as her first and for many years of our marriage, our only car. I do not have a picture. I wish I did. I loved that car too. In its later years you had to lift your feet up if your went through a puddle. The floor pan was famous for rusting through on those neat old cars. We owned it until about 1985 or so. It is the only car other than the ’56 Chevrolet – not the Bel-Air, the other one – that I ever personally worked on.

This is the wrong color but it brought back memories. And it has been jazzed up more than ours was. A few weeks back I visited California to attend my nephew’s wedding and visit with my sister. Good memories of the trip and this picture of an old VW made it worthwhile.

Visit with Friends

Posted by

2

We had a nice long visit with friends yesterday.

Life long friends.

High school friends — Paul and I met in high school. We met probably in homeroom of our freshman year. My memory is vague on that account. Nevertheless we spent a great deal of time together in class. His surname was one letter off of mine, so often we were seated side by side in the back of class. Occasionally we were seated so that I was behind him in class and in one instance with a teacher whose last name also began with W, we were side by side in the front row. Teachers like alphabetical.

Paul was always nearby. I could touch him if I needed to do that. Sitting behind him in class was a plus. I was tall and grew taller in high school. He was taller than me throughout our high school years. In that one class I could hide if I wanted. It did not last long.

Purcell High School

We were not competitive in high school just good friends. It is rare that a friendship develops and remains throughout two lives in which being apart is as though it was not when those friends meet. Their meeting may be often or seldom but when they meet once more it is as though no separation happened. Our friendship is like that.

Through life our worlds separated and re-connected in a celestial mystical dance. We went to different universities. We got married. Magically our wives like each other. Raised families. Followed our own life paths. Attended our kids marriages. And as the families grew and spread out, we met up every few years to vacation together.

Cheryl’s reaction to an adjustment in her Parkinson’s medication destroyed our last attempt to vacation together. The disease is adding an element of confusion, hallucination and dementia as it progresses within her.

In the fall of 2019 we successfully made a trip to Florida by car to visit with family. After the pandemonium of COVID, I hope to make the trip north to visit Paul and Cathy. Cheryl occasionally talks about that and before I get too old, I suppose we should try.

With wonderful friends we had a wonderful, peaceful visit yesterday. We had long conversations about totally random topics that included children, grand children, the stock market, parents, food, diets and onward. Thinking about it now after the fact, I do not recall each individual topic. Our conversation merely flowed from one thing to the next. Occasionally it stopped. We were comfortable with listening to the cicadas. It was a pleasant afternoon and Cheryl had a peaceful sleep filled night afterward.

There are no cicadas in Minnesota.

Carpe Diem.

On Cicadas

Posted by

0

There is a low whirring (whoring?) hum in the air. I had forgotten that part. The birds are excited. I remember that part.

Not our Elm but similar

At our old house when we bought it in 1980, there was a huge American elm in the backyard. It was in the center of a square of yard about eighty-five feet on a side. It did not crowd any buildings or other trees so over time it had developed that beautiful umbrella canopy. We moved into the house in February. I remember thinking, wow that is a neat tree. At the time I was unfamiliar with elms and dutch elm disease.

When spring came it leafed out in a fashion similar to the picture below. The tree was dying from the back as viewed from our kitchen window. We got a couple of tree wizards out to look at it and decide what to do. The only solution was removal. It is sad to remove a tree that size. The tree was about sixty years old. The person who planted it was an optimist and we intended to cut down their legacy.

Summer of a dying elm tree

After the tree was removed we had a stump about four feet in diameter and about chair height that for a few years the kids enjoyed by having tee parties and building ramps to jump bicycles off of. The stump was in a level area at the bottom of a long downhill driveway. I watched from the kitchen one day as our son came flying down the driveway on his bicycle, went up the ramp and failed to stick the landing on the other side in the grass. Certainly a learning experience about Newton’s laws.

There are lots of Newton cartoons. I like this one.

We planted a cherry tree hybrid graft at the end of the driveway after we removed the elm tree. Fruit seemed like a good alternative. I had started a vegetable garden on the far side of the yard and left the center for the kids to play in. It was a grand space for play.

About six years later the cherry tree was perhaps twelve feet tall and producing enough cherries in a season that I was protecting the cherries from the birds with netting. The cicadas came out that year, looked around and said to each other, “what happened to our tree?”. They made the long trek to the maple in the back and the cherry tree at the foot of the drive. From the perspective of the kitchen window, it was as though the grass in the back became liquid and was flowing away from the stump. It was an incredible sight.

The birds showed up for the cherries but ignored the tree fruit. There was a plethora of protein walking around in the grass hunting for any vertical object. Robins ate so many bugs they needed a runway to take off. It was amazing to watch.

The female cicadas did a good job of pruning the small branches that come out where the tree blooms and then fruits. The year of the cicadas was the first year we harvested enough fruit to make pies and jelly. The following year was better. The tree produced even more fruit than previous years. I attribute it to the pruning done by the lady cicada society.

We moved from that house to our little condo about five years ago. From our screened in back patio area I can hear the whirring sound. It is raining a bit and will do so for a couple hours according to my weather app. The bugs have not whipped themselves into a feverish sexual frenzy yet. They will later.

Over time the moles have herded them into just a small area near our back porch. Some climb into our screened in area. I pick them off the screen one by one throw them out the door. Most are not instinctive fliers. About one in three flaps its wings and buzzes off to the trees in the back when I throw them out the door. I shout encouragement to them as I throw them out the door. I explain Newton’s laws but they do not listen. My wife does not like bugs. For a couple weeks I can have the porch to myself.

One got most of the way to the trees but, sadly was snatched out of the air by a hungry bird. Newton did not matter. Its genes will not be passed on.

from WRAL in North Carolina

They are not good fliers but that is not their intent. They are lovers.

Carpe Diem bugs.

A Prescription

Posted by

0

Many years ago my family doctor gave me this prescription.  “6 weeks on a sunny beach” — He has since retired from private practice.  Looking back to that year from today, there was a lot going on in my life.  Looking at the date on the prescription, June 28, 2006, it was the first year that Cheryl started noticing symptoms of Parkinson’s. There is still much happening in our life.

None of those things is as peaceful as this rose. Thanks to Edie Kynard’s Art I have this wonderful rose to contemplate.

In a couple weeks I will travel to California to be with my sister and others to celebrate my nephew’s marriage.

In one week Ohio is officially open for mask-less escapades to wherever.

Last evening our stock club met in our favorite bar for the third time this year.  (We talked about death stocks.  See previous post.)  The presenter of SCI did not solidly endorse it as a stock for the club to buy at this time. Perhaps the club is not solidly interested in deathly stocks. Kroger is in our portfolio and it was up for revue (yes it is misspelled on purpose). Part of the discussion settled around how much Joe Biden’s $15 minimum wage proposal would affect Kroger’s bottom line. ( I am not sure why it is Joe’s idea but there are many conservative capitalists in our club.) A quick search of the internet of all knowledge turns up the information that the average folk starts at $11.62 at Kroger. If you can wield a knife in the meat department or can read a pharmacy order you can get more. Last year Kroger had about 465k employees. Assuming 10% of those are new employees which seems high but bear with me, 46.5Kx3.38 = $157170.00 per hour increase in base pay or $314,340,000.00 per year assuming 40 hour week and 50 weeks per year or .24% of sales for that same time. A surprisingly small percentage number when you do the math. If they collected an extra penny on all items they could pay the $15 minimum wage and pocket the extra $1G or so. Nice.

Our society is slowly, steadily climbing out of the darkness of the pandemic shutdown but it still goes on in the world. Donald wanted to make America great again.  It already was great.  Here is the chance to make it greater.

There are many things to fix that would make America greater. Overall though, just merely treating others with kindness, patience and dignity will make America greater.

Why is it important for some folks to control others life experience?  Is it simple jealousy or envy? Maybe changing that attitude in those folks would improve life a bit.

Is there societal value to imposing one’s own personal values on another? Look inside and think about how you would react to unsolicited advice about your particular situation or perhaps unreasonable restrictions on your actions and then answer that question. Of course everyone’s situation is different. Income disparity affects health and healthcare choices. Income disparity affects diet.

Perhaps Andrew Yang has the correct approach. It is at least a different approach.

I did not start this post with the thought of chasing the minimum wage or a universal basic income but Carpe Diem.

Lately I’ve Been Reading

Posted by

0

Matthew McConaughey’s book Greenlights is a collection of diary entries, stories and journal entries that he has written through life. He is not a hero by any means but he pulled himself up and spent a large portion of his life trying to impress and live up to his perceived view of how his father perceived him. He is doing okay.

He did get me thinking about life and where we go from here. What if there is no here?

Neptune Society

I became tired of reading Matthew, so on a particularly morbid Sunday afternoon a few weeks ago I remembered that Cheryl and I had planned to collect information and preplan our funerals. Once in a while Cheryl thinks about this as her PD takes her occasionally down a dark road. She has expressed interest in cremation, so on this Sunday I poked “cremation cost + cincinnati” into Google and the Neptune Society popped up as the first or second hit. So, that sent me down the rabbit hole of death, dying, funeral cost, yada, yada, yada.

I filled out their form thinking I would be buried in email about cemeteries and crematoriums. Not so simple, just like senior living facilities and “aplaceformom” I started getting calls from them. Eventually I mistakenly answered their call and found out some interesting info.

Their parent company is Service Corporation International (NYSE: SCI). I am interested in stocks so I used our stock club’s analysis to check them out.

It sounds morbid but death is up. And as Jim Morrison of the Doors once said, “No one here gets out alive!” He may have been drunk at the time but truer words were never spoken.

SCI

Summary: [from Reuters] Service Corporation International is a provider of death-care products and services, with a network of funeral service locations and cemeteries. The Company’s segments include Funeral, Cemetery and Corporate. It conducts both funeral and cemetery operations in the United States and Canada. As of December 31, 2016, it operated 1,502 funeral service locations and 470 cemeteries, including 281 funeral service/cemetery combination locations, which are geographically diversified across 45 states, eight Canadian provinces, the District of Columbia, and Puerto Rico. It offers various brands, such as Dignity Memorial, Dignity Planning, National Cremation Society, Advantage Funeral and Cremation Services, and Funeraria del Angel. Its funeral service and cemetery operations consist of funeral service locations, cemeteries, funeral service/cemetery combination locations, crematoria, and related businesses. It sells cemetery property, and funeral and cemetery merchandise and services.

Various Opinions: CFRA recommends BUY (5/13/2021); Research Team recommends HOLD; Reliable Research – We do not recommend investors buy SCI; Ford Equity Research – We project that SCI will perform in line with the market over the next 6 to 12 months; Barchart Technical Opinion – Strong BUY; Zacks – Add to Portfolio (2-buy)

Few want to think about it but death seems to be an expanding market. Last year was a good one for sales and 2021 continues to be one. Regardless of the pandemic pandemonium and which side of the mask you are on, a lot of people died last year. From SCI’s first quarter guidance announcement:

UPDATED OUTLOOK FOR 2021 – Today we are reporting earnings per share of $1.33 and net cash provided by operating activities of $298 million for the quarter. The $0.88 growth in earnings per share in the quarter was primarily driven by increased comparable preneed cemetery sales production and continued elevated COVID-19 mortality, which resulted in an increase in both funeral services performed and burials in our cemeteries. Comparable preneed cemetery sales production grew $130 million, or 67%, during the quarter driven by an increase in sales velocity, sales averages, and large sales activity. Net cash provided by operating activities grew approximately $118 million over the prior year quarter, primarily due to increased operating profit.

Based on our first quarter results, we are raising the midpoint of our full year adjusted earnings per share guidance fifteen cents to $2.85 and the midpoint of our adjusted operating cash flow guidance to $687.5 million. Our long-term earnings growth framework remains in place, we will maintain focus on our core strategies of growing revenue by remaining relevant to our client families, leveraging our scale, and maximizing our capital deployment opportunities in a disciplined and balanced manner.

That was probably more business information than you intended to read. The stock club analysis reports SCI as a “buy”. Although it will not be a shining winner like a bunch of tech stocks, it will probably double in value over the next 5-ish years and along the way produce a 1.5% dividend per share.

Death is on the rise in America.

But wait there’s more! (morbid thoughts that is) Cremation is less expensive that other forms of disposal. Urns are available on Amazon for less than $50.

Carpe Diem (or at least the afternoon)

I Love a Good Game of Name That Acronym

Posted by

0

A friend of mine put this on Facebook. I am certain that he put it there as bait and I bit. COVID is of course short for CO(rona) VI(rus) D(isease). The nineteen typically tacked on to the end is to demark 2019 as the year when the virus was first noted in Wuhan, China. The individual who first started the game apparently is displeased with the poor initial discussion of masks, personal hygiene, and vaccines.

This posting on Facebook is intended to rile folks up. I feel the pain myself. Having finished with my second booster shot of the Pfizer vaccine a week ago, I am elated. The previous leader of the free world could have celebrated his and his wife’s vaccination before they left the White House. He did not. The event was so low key that it was only reported after he flew to Miralago to resume the life of the rich and famous guy that he is.

I used to play this game when I was still working full time and some one would use an acronym with out first explaining what the term stood for. The implication being that if you did not understand the term you were not on the inside. I always made me laugh. If it showed up in an email I might ask an innocent question using my made up acronym. My favorite is SMART (Simply Magnificent And Recognizable Talent) goals. I think timely is a cop out. What does timely mean?

Think about it. Try UNSMART. (Uninformed New Sheep Mainly Are Really Trumpublicans) (political division)

Uniformly Nascent Solipsistic Males Actually Remember Transportation (random division)

Let your mind run wild. It is okay to use small articles and the verb to be in any answer. Be mean or generous, politically correct or not so, kind or not. There are no rules.

Cost Obfuscation Violates Individual Destinations (travel division)

Catholic Orthodoxy (has) Victimized Individual Dreams (religious division)

Curmudgeonly Orwellians Voraciously Imbibe Dragon-meat (Game of Thrones division)

Crash Objects Vanquish Indecisive Drivers (automotive division)

Over time some acronyms have become actual words (laser) and some words have become acronyms (smart). Language is fascinating.

Parkinson’s disease sucks but then a friend will send you down a rabbit hole with diversion of some sort for several hours of mental gymnastics. Thanks, friend.

Peace be with you

Some Songs move me Emotionally

Posted by

2

I probably should not ask Alexa to play Phil Collins.  Many of his songs get to me deeply.

Come stop your crying
It will be alright
Just take my hand
Hold it tight
I will protect you
From all around you
I will be here
Don’t you cry

For one so small
You seem so strong
My arms will hold you
Keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can’t be broken
I will be here don’t you cry

Cause you’ll be in my heart

Yes, you’ll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

You’ll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You’ll be here in my heart
Always
Always

Source: Musixmatch Songwriters: Phil Collins You’ll Be in My Heart lyrics © Walt Disney Music Company

Today I was working on material for school and as I often do I ask Alexa to play the first artist’s music that jumps into my head.  Today Phil Collins and his old band Genesis jumped into my head. I asked for Phil Collins by name and found myself listening to a bunch of Disney tunes.  “You’ll be in my heart” (Tarzan) just got to me emotionally and tears came to my eyes.

I suppose it is hard for men to come to grips with how they feel about someone or something if it involves emotion.  Many of us are embarrassed by our emotions.  I know I am.  But I have come to grips with the fact that it is a good idea to let those emotions pour out without embarrassment.  I try to do it in private if I can find privacy.  I have no worries if I cannot.

As the Parkinson’s disease continues, I get a sort of slow motion grief feeling that takes all of my effort to recover from.  This feeling is occasionally overwhelming. Music can bring the emotional response to this feeling spontaneously. I my case, I usually do not recognize that I was feeling this way in the background. Words to song or a melody will bring it to the surface. Earlier this morning I spontaneously began to cry. I waited for a bit and felt better. I suppose it released something in me because I feel better about life today.

Cheryl seems pretty good today also. Let’s have lunch out somewhere after exercise class. Okay, she said.

It is a rainy almost Spring day in Ohio and for now Parkinson’s is in the background.