Time Is… Precious

Time does not move in one direction. Time is never straight. – Alexis Pauline Gumbs

A long and winding road… – the Beatles

Life is a winding road. – Sheryl Crow

Observation, anticipation, longing, presence, reaction, observation, anticipation, longing, presence, reaction, observation, anticipation, longing, presence, reaction, observation, anticipation, longing, presence, reaction, observation, anticipation, longing, presence, reaction, observation, anticipation, longing, presence, reaction, observation, anticipation, longing, presence, reaction, observation, anticipation, longing, presence, reaction. Indeed a wiggly and tedious road life is.

I subscribe to poetry magazine. It is a small unadorned volume that appears in my mailbox every few weeks. It takes me elsewhere when it comes. The quote that appears first is on the back cover of the September volume. This morning it attracted my eye. My thoughts went off in a similar but musical direction. I found the rest of her writing inside and I read it for a bit.

Today, however, is for the students. The introduction to industrial robotics and computer integrated manufacturing class for which I am the instructor is very technical. The students are young and vibrant. They are just beginning. Near the first curve or the first fork or the first turn-off, they must decide continue or turn. Is this the way? They are not here today, so I can review their work without them yammering in my ear about why they did this or did not do that because I was unclear. Many will not or are unable to ask a question. Many are able to accept another’s work as correct and useful. (No it is not cheating. I want them to help each other.) At this early part of the journey many believe (I think) that they still need to be spoon fed. A few are beginning to try things on their own.

The software is complicated and I have not found the way myself but I have a different motive. (I want them to discover for themselves the bigger picture.) They are able to twist the software into a knot that is hard to untangle. Learning programming techniques on the fly is fun, terrifying, frustrating, satisfying and tedious. → Observation, code, check, test, reaction, observation, coding, check, test, reaction, observation, more coding, check, test, reaction, observation, coding, check, test, reaction, observation, much more coding, check, test, reaction, observation, coding, check, test, reaction, observation, coding, check, test, reaction, observation, yet more coding, check, test, reaction. Will this never end? (I imagine some in the class thinking this to themselves because they are reluctant to say they are struggling out loud to the instructor.) Indeed, a wiggly and tedious road coding is, similar to life itself, similar to writing.

I can feel it coming in the air tonight… – Phil Collins

A wiggly road teaching is. As I work my way through the material which is specific to industrial robots of a specific manufacturer, my thoughts go toward how to generalize techniques and ideas to other areas. Programming (coding) a process is an art form. It is both technical and elegant. Although I have had the good fortune to do this work throughout my working career, I recognize I do not know all. Teaching, mentoring and instructing is humbling for me. I find out how little I know.

all I wanna do is have some fun before the sun comes up over Santa Monica Blvd. (also Sheryl)

All of these thoughts and others came tumbling into my head when I read Alexis Pauline Gumbs’s quote on the back of Poetry. On some days, most days, poetry centers me. When I read the quote from her above I felt a pull to the content. I was floundering with industrial robots. Alexis was not writing about that. Alexis was writing about a fellow poet Cheryl Clarke.

Time is not straight. Time spirals and veers, embraces and releases. She shows up with a U-Haul after one date. Time doesn’t move stubbornly forward. She comes back and helps an ex-girlfriend mourn the loss of her more recent lover, maybe even helps her raise her kids. Time is not obsessed with progress. She wants you to come back and revisit lessons you thought you had already learned. Time shows up brand new, as an imp and a trickster. Time is guided not by security, but by the risk of love. Again.

This instant. This triumph. Time is a lesbian.” — Alexis Pauline Gumbs, Poetry, September, 2025 issue

These are powerful words. ( “She shows up with a U-Haul” made me chuckle.) Time (life) is an instructor. Wisdom is “she” in the Bible. We would do well to listen, heed, be present for the message. Our time here is short and winding. Listen. Observe. Embrace the tedium.

Carpe Diem

Questions for God and other Thoughts

The Grief Share topic for this meeting was “Questions for God.” For me I was grateful that the universe accepted Cheryl back into its keeping. I am sad, of course, for the loss of her companionship and love but there is no value to complaining to God and cursing the existence of the universe. It just is. It (or He) has no grievance with our existence. Why should we wonder why? That concern uses a lot of time but adds nothing.

The video makes early reference to the Book of Job (which I have always heard as joeh-B long O). This sent my mind off into the task of reading the Bible and its stories. In the Book of Job, the first of the poetic books, in my New American Bible is spelled j-o-b and Job did a good job at the beginning of the story and at the end of the story. In the middle he did not waste any breath on cursing the universe that he knew as God for all the unfortunateness that happened to him. Shit happens. He said, “When one door closes, another, maybe better one opens.” I paraphrased. Because he had that attitude, God chased away Satan and did not smote his asses any longer.

God even accepted Job’s praise and forgiveness of his drinking buddies Bildad, Eliphaz and Zophar after they told Job, of course God crapped on you. You crapped on us. It is good to have friends to explain alternative truths and help you to think about things. In the 28th verse, Job talks about how it is easy to dig ore and smelt metal and grow crops but getting wisdom is a bitch. It takes time and patience and then one still does not attain wisdom (smarts about life.) It is like reading Michael Lewis talk about markets and baseball.

I think I get a different take on stories I read in the Bible. (… Kish said to Saul, “Take a servant with you and go out to find your asses…”) Find an older copy of The New American Bible – 1 Samuel 9:3

Mom would have said, “Pull up your socks!” about Job’s predicament but she did not write any books for the Bible. It took me much of my life before I understood what she meant by this phrase. My interpretation of her thought is, you can pray about it but you have to help. Job says much the same thing, albeit, with a lot more words. In Job 40:7 “ Gird up your loins, like a man. I will question you and your will give me answers!” These days we would say, “Get your shit together, Dude! Grow a pair!”

Job lived to be 140. Mom lived to be 95. Both were intelligent loved people.

Sorry, I have wandered off the beam – the video makes early reference to the Book of Job but the discussion is the questions that many ask after death, Why? Is my faith shattered? Is there an afterward? An afterlife? Is there a reincarnation? The Bible tells all. It also has a lot of great war stories and poetry.

I do not wonder why Cheryl died. She was very ill for a long time. If anything I wonder how she hung on for so long. I do not wonder why she became ill. Many people become ill and eventually die. Everyone dies eventually. I personally just hope it won’t hurt much.

I hope our spirits will connect again somehow.

Do I miss her? Absolutely everyday, I miss her. These days, I have a new person in my life to aim my love at. She is off vacationing with her kids and grand kids. I miss her also.

We are destined to miss those who touch us and connect with us in life. It is a source of heartache, home-sickness and bereftness. We miss those to whom we have a strong connection. It is love with no place to go.

Carpe Diem.

Prolific Profundity

Monday Meditation

I thought; Just sit and observe.
Just look and see.
Just be a part of the consciousness.
Just be.

A bench by the path in a park. Birds and bugs. A chipmunk forages.
Snippets of mumbled conversation and comments of walkers and those who are walking.
A view of the lake.
A bird calls.

Autumn in mid-season.
Midday but the sun low.
A bright warm day as
its radiance diminishes.

Lichen on the Oak near.
Far, mostly green but here and there another color
as the deciduous decide the weather to come,
the darkness to come.

Quick steps now.
A duck calls to its mate.
Music. And many walkers cannot disconnect.
A child counts bounces of his basketball. A hundred ten!

I walk on.
From the other side of the pond, a different view.
An Osage is fruitful.
A tiny spider walks up my arm and wonders why I am atop its bench.

I wonder also.

Autumn Haiku and Inner Thought

friday comes with cool
sun peeks higher in the sky
autumn is awake

she speaks in my head
often with her quiet voice
our love continues

this day Cheryl is
this day memories of us
happy memories

Haiku form – 5 : 7 : 5 – is a favorite poetic form to me. Real poets, I do not consider myself a real poet, are able to paint a picture, elicit an emotion or start a meditation with seventeen syllables. Distilling feelings and ideas to their basic form. I have noticed in myself that many times words do not work. The search for a word with the perfect nuance of what I feel alludes me often. Perfection at reading what is not there is not my strongest ability.

And yet, funneling feelings into seventeen sounds is sometimes satisfying.

Meditation (I use that word instead of prayer) comes in many forms to me. Today it is distillation of thought into seventeen bits of non-prattle.

abracadabra
in mind appears some pictures
our happier times

grieve companion lost
happy memories abound
love is present, found

Thinking about Cheryl today as I write about our life with its past joys and wonderful trips and the sadness and struggles near the end has pushed me into haiku today. Waiting to see what the rest of the day brings and the realization that existence takes care of itself without my help is comforting.

Is that prayer?

Carpe Diem.

Poetry – And Other Thoughts

Thinking all the way back to high school, I have had a fascination with poetry of all sorts. I credit Fr. Averbeck and his English Literature class for this fascination. His love of Shakespeare and poetry came through when he taught. The school was re-organizing the scheduling for many classes and trying to fit as much as possible into the school day. Eng. Lit. was merely thirty minutes long. It was the best thirty minute block of time in my day.

Poetry invokes a picture which develops into an emotion and a feeling which awakens other senses. Smells erupt and colors appear as you let the words tell the story of the author has penned. The picture may be very different from the words. The picture may be very much like the words. Listen. You will see it.

With Cheryl gone, I find myself reading more and reading poetry out loud. I am surprised sometimes at the involuntary emotion that sounds in my voice. I am not surprised at the memories that are awakened by various poems. This one – Casey at The Bat – is sort of corny, and yet, my voice always wavers and most times tears well up in my eyes. It takes me to a time when our youngest child had to memorize a poem in grade school. His intention was to find a short poem. I challenged him to commit to memory “Casey At The Bat”. I will learn it with you. It became a dinner time thing.

I would say, “The outlook wasn’t brilliant for the Mudville nine that day, the score stood four to two with but one inning more to play.” We traded lines back and forth. When he recited the poem in class for the rest of the students and his teacher, he told me one of his classmates asked him, “Did they win?” I laughed. He went on to tell me it was the longest poem anyone recited.

Those are good memories. It should not be surprising to me that tears of nostalgia appear in my eyes.

Casey at the Bat
By Ernest Lawrence Thayer
A Ballad of the Republic, Sung in the Year 1888

The outlook wasn’t brilliant for the Mudville nine that day;
The score stood four to two with but one inning more to play.
And then when Cooney died at first, and Barrows did the same,
A sickly silence fell upon the patrons of the game.

A straggling few got up to go in deep despair. The rest
Clung to that hope which springs eternal in the human breast;
They thought if only Casey could but get a whack at that—
We’d put up even money now with Casey at the bat.

But Flynn preceded Casey, as did also Jimmy Blake,
And the former was a lulu and the latter was a cake;
So upon that stricken multitude grim melancholy sat,
For there seemed but little chance of Casey’s getting to the bat.

But Flynn let drive a single, to the wonderment of all,
And Blake, the much despised, tore the cover off the ball;
And when the dust had lifted, and men saw what had occurred,
There was Jimmy safe at second and Flynn a-hugging third.

Then from 5,000 throats and more there rose a lusty yell;
It rumbled through the valley, it rattled in the dell;
It knocked upon the mountain and recoiled upon the flat,
For Casey, mighty Casey, was advancing to the bat.

There was ease in Casey’s manner as he stepped into his place;
There was pride in Casey’s bearing and a smile on Casey’s face.
And when, responding to the cheers, he lightly doffed his hat,
No stranger in the crowd could doubt ’twas Casey at the bat.

Ten thousand eyes were on him as he rubbed his hands with dirt;
Five thousand tongues applauded when he wiped them on his shirt.
Then while the writhing pitcher ground the ball into his hip,
Defiance gleamed in Casey’s eye, a sneer curled Casey’s lip.

And now the leather-covered sphere came hurtling through the air,
And Casey stood a-watching it in haughty grandeur there.
Close by the sturdy batsman the ball unheeded sped—
“That ain’t my style,” said Casey. “Strike one,” the umpire said.

From the benches, black with people, there went up a muffled roar,
Like the beating of the storm-waves on a stern and distant shore.
“Kill him! Kill the umpire!” shouted some one on the stand;
And it’s likely they’d have killed him had not Casey raised his hand.

With a smile of Christian charity great Casey’s visage shone;
He stilled the rising tumult; he bade the game go on;
He signaled to the pitcher, and once more the spheroid flew;
But Casey still ignored it, and the umpire said, “Strike two.”

“Fraud!” cried the maddened thousands, and echo answered fraud;
But one scornful look from Casey and the audience was awed.
They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain,
And they knew that Casey wouldn’t let that ball go by again.

The sneer is gone from Casey’s lip, his teeth are clinched in hate;
He pounds with cruel violence his bat upon the plate.
And now the pitcher holds the ball, and now he lets it go,
And now the air is shattered by the force of Casey’s blow.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But there is no joy in Mudville—mighty Casey has struck out.

Copyright Credit: n/a

I love that poem. I can hear the crowd and smell hotdogs. But mostly I can see Scott as a young boy stretching his arms and growing into himself. This effort by Thayer is an ode and tells a story. Many poems that I read are more prayerful and and paint a much different picture and evoke a feeling of calm. Some can enrage. This one brings with it family time.

Carpe the Labor Diem

The End of March Beginning of Spring

This is my favorite time of the year. These days in Ohio the white trees are blooming. Most of them look pretty. They seem a week or so early this year because we had a mild winter here in southern Ohio. Nevertheless, most of these trees are decorative Bradford pear trees and the surrounding countryside has an odd decaying carcass smell.

Later the redbuds will bloom. The daffodils and forsythia have been blooming solid for a week.

Maybe I will buy a bag of birdseed.

Carpe Diem.

Spring 2024 (a haiku)

I have always been a fan of haiku. Seventeen syllables to evoke an emotional connection to the earth and our surroundings. I am also a fan of sonnet but the rhythm and rhyming sequence often escapes me. Haiku is free verse, an emotion, a summary. It is a painting in words to me. I like to experiment with it.

forsythia in bloom

new life persistent
provides much beauty on gray
wintertime background

Regardless of where we are or what we are doing or what trouble may concern us, Spring flowers appear in the landscape. Take notice of them. A new year of growth is here. Breathe in, breathe out, enjoy your surroundings. This year this lone forsythia left to grow wild in the woods behind our condo shows its beauty once again.

Carpe the landscape Diem!