Christmas is Harder than I thought it would Be
It just is harder. Several times over the past few days I have been blindsided by my own emotions. A hymn in church, a song on the radio, a picture on the Frameo, a note in a Christmas card, any of these and all of these bring to mind memories of glad tidings gone by. If I am completely honest with myself, I started it.
A good friend asked what my favorite song/hymn was and I responded “Hallelujah” and could not immediately remember Leonard Cohen wrote it so many years ago. It was often used in the closing scenes of the show “Criminal Minds.” It is a haunting tune, at least it is to me. I think the rendition that is used on the show is the one by John Bon Jovi. I am unsure of that fact but it haunts me and reminds me of Cheryl and our younger times together.
When that happens I just let it roll over me. It is disappointing that Cheryl is no longer with me but we had a great life together. More than fifty years of love, children, busy, travel, learning, excitement, anguish, grace, parties, dinners, Christmases, Easters, egg hunts, summers and summer vacations, it was a wonderful time. We argued too but we never took that to bed with us. She supported me and I supported her.
Today as I put my last stamps on my Christmas messages I set Spotify to play “Hallelujah” by Leonard Cohen. After that it wandered off to play a not so random collection of songs from various albums. Yusaf (Cat Stevens) started playing and suddenly I was 25 again. It is interesting to me how that happens. Cheryl has long hair and the kids are little. Yusaf is gray these days, as am I.
And though you want to last forever; You know you never will; (You know you never will); And the goodbye makes the journey harder still – Cat Stevens “Oh Very Young”
It is good to remember those times we had.
Time only moves forward. The Christmas greetings are in the mail.
Tomorrow is Christmas eve.
Carpe Diem!
Adjunct_Wizard 
Music does that, doesn’t it?? I have a few songs that I cannot sing all the way through, as I choke up.
I hope you have more than a few smiles this holiday season, dear writing friend.
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Indeed, lots of music does that to me. It might be a hymn Cheryl liked. It might be a song that I liked in our younger years. I have been listing to a lot of jazz over the summer and into the fall months. I did not listen to jazz much when we were chasing kids around, so, those memories did not wash over me as much. But, this time of year, I am okay with those feelings of nostalgia and just missing her. (And it is hard to sing through teary eyes and a runny nose.)
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