A nifty song by REM playing on Pandora or something when I took Cheryl to a physical therapy session with a nice young man from U.C. Health in Cincinnati. I wondered in my head, is it?

It’s the end of the world as we know it (time I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it (time I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine (time I had some time alone)

The lyrics are kind of stream of conscience similar to “We didn’t start the Fire” by Billy Joel. It made me think, is this a new way we are going to operate from now on? Mr. Joel’s song is an earlier history of an earlier century. But then he is about my age.

So, is it the end of the world as we know it? Is it the new normal? What is normal? My normal is probably not your normal and why do I hate that comment about it is the new normal. Simply put, what is IT? For a Parkinson’s patient abnormal physical difficulty is common. The part of the disease that is hidden, mental confusion, memory loss, delusion and sometimes hallucination is also normal.

Today for the first time I thought seriously about quitting the little part time job I have with a local community college because it takes me away from Cheryl. And yet, I need time away from her and the care giving. But I believe I need the time away to be on my own terms.

Perhaps I want to take a walk in the park by myself in which I am not part of her support structure. Perhaps I want to walk at my own speed which is much greater than hers but did not used to be. Perhaps I want to take a walk were I do not have to slow to a pace less than a stroll to allow her to stay with me. There are times when we creep around the circuit and I try to get her to take full steps. Perhaps this Parkinson’s has gotten into my head far enough for me to ignore my own needs.

Cheryl really likes to walk but it is a struggle for her. She really likes to play Scrabble but it is a struggle for her. She likes to think about and organize her support group for Parkinson’s folks but it is really a struggle for her. Lately she has decided to do puzzles, well one puzzle so far, as a hobby but it is a struggle for her.

This is normal. There is nothing new about it. It is not the end of the world as we know it. It simply is the world we have.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

– Max Ehrmann Desiderata

Desiderata by Max Ehrmann has become for me a meditation. I try to not distress myself with dark imaginings but on some days that requires drawing strength from a reserve that is depleted.

Michael is right. Parkinson’s sucks. Stay calm. Keep moving forward.