hobbies, diversions

Dear Cheryl

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Dear Cheryl,

It has been exactly four weeks since I have written to you. The days blend together, so, ever since you have moved to Bridgeway Pointe, I have kept a journal of how you appear to me, your moods, your alertness, my thoughts and other things. As I look through this log of information about the past few weeks I noted many things that have happened during the last four weeks.

A couple days after I wrote the last letter, I was enjoying the sunset with some of our neighbors and was a little more inebriated than I thought at the time and fell while getting up from my chair. I admit to myself that I was feeling a little sad when I came home from visiting you that day. I do not know why. You appeared frail and I noted that I cried when I first saw you that day. I suppose that was still with me when I returned home to make myself dinner. For whatever reason I give myself, I found the bottle of vodka that I had in the freezer and added a little sprite to it in a glass. ( I was out of tonic. ) It was sweeter than I like but I imagined watching the sun go down while I was waiting for the casserole I had put together cook in the oven. Two of our neighbors showed up to join me and all was well until I fell on my face. I must have knocked myself out because I have little memory of the incident until I was looking at a fireman who strongly suggested that I go to the hospital. I had no interest in doing that but I gave in and went anyway. Now I have this collar to wear that you see me in when I come to visit. And now I know what an annoying experience that must have been for you when you were taken to the hospital over the past several years. Although I was not hallucinating at night, sleeping was like trying to get forty winks in a busy elevator.

I went to the hospital on Thursday evening. I came back home on Sunday afternoon. Sleeping on Sunday night was wonderful. I made it to six hours before my bladder took me to the bathroom. All of our kids came to visit with me on Friday. Scott gave me a ride home on Sunday. Anna and David and Scott visited you and me that whole weekend. We have wonderful children.

On Monday I was a little stiff and wearing an old set of eyeglasses. I could see okay but not comfortable driving with my new neck apparel. Your sister, Nancy, offered to drive me over to Bridgeway Pointe so that is what happened on Monday, bloody Monday. About every other day of that week you were sleeping when I came and Nancy gave me a ride to visit another day and we rode you around the building that day. You were more alert and Nancy seemed pleased to do it.

On Monday March 25th I went to see Lauren, our PCP folk. Her office called me the Monday after I got home from the hospital to check on me and ask if I wanted to come in for a visit. I admitted to her that I felt a little sad that day and asked her if there was a grief counselor or psychologist I could talk to about me. I am not sure what I want to get out of such an encounter. Sometimes when I leave you to come home I feel an overwhelming sadness. I did that Thursday a few weeks ago. I thought to have several drinks. That was a normal, I suppose, and stupid reaction. I will have to be aware of that when it creeps up on me. Perhaps I should just call Joyce or your sister Nancy and talk about what I am feeling. I am unsure about how talking to a complete stranger or a group of complete strangers will help. Joyce asked me if it affected my manliness when I felt sad and teary-eyed with others around. I replied that it did not bother me so much but I wished that it would not happen. She pointed out to me that you are a very important person in my life and although you have not passed on from this Earth, in many ways you have passed on from me and that is always going to be hard on me. (I think it is not so hard on you because you seem off somewhere else most days when I come to visit.)

Anna had a party for Virginia’s Birthday. She is sweet sixteen now. Do you remember what a cute two year old she was? I spent David’s birthday in the hospital. I wished him a happy birthday when he came to visit me.

Britney called me on the phone one evening as I was driving home from kissing you good night. She said you had slid out of your wheelchair as they were getting you into bed for the evening. Are you having a harder time sitting up in that chair? Or were you in a hurry to get into bed? I remember when you were home with me sometimes you went to bed early and were in a hurry to get there.

On Easter Sunday when I came to visit, You asked me where I was going today. I told you that I was going to Anna’s house for the afternoon for a cookout. I noted this in my journal because of two things; your voice was very plain and understandable when you asked, it seemed to me to be a very lucid thought. After you asked me that, you said; good, I am going to stay here today. (I noted a small patch of lucidity.)

I took the seat cushion from your wheelchair home to clean it on April Fools Day. It needed it. I traded the other cushion from the kitchen chairs with you. The last time I washed it I had to chase the washer around the utility room. It was out of balance after the cushion had sucked up ten pounds of water from the wash cycle. This time I thought that I would just soak it in the utility sink. I put about six inches of hot water in it and added a little bleach to the water. (It looked like you may have leaked a little onto it one day.) After soaking overnight it had these vivid purplish stains on it. There must be some metal in whatever it is stuffed with. Bleach reacts with a couple different metals to produce a purplish stain. Its clean but it looks bad.

This situation we are in, as I watch you become more and more frail. And as I watch you lose more and more weight. This whole process makes me worry about losing the picture in my head of your lovely smile. I have made a new project for myself of making a collage of you and your smile. So far it is pretty good, I think. I printed it out for you here so you can see for yourself and judge. I do not have a copy of every picture. There are many. On the next page you can see what it looks like so far. I am still searching for one or two other pictures that I know I have but with the cleanup I have been doing around our house I have placed them in a safe place where they will not be lost. I have not found that place back yet.

I have learned many things over the past four weeks. Do not drink vodka if I am sad. Beer will make me get up for a trip to the toilet more often and the alcohol is more dilute.

Avoid overnight stays in a hospital.

I am not interested in puzzles. I tried to become interested after one of the trips to Bridgeway Pointe with your sister. (new hobby and all that…) I have had it partially assembled on the dining room table for about two and a half weeks. I am told that real puzzle workers do not leave them dissembled out for that long. All I can say is that I am not that interested.

I am interested in writing more. I have a loose collection of stories that I call a hitchhiker’s guide to parkinson. That is much like a puzzle to me. Fitting it together as a story and memoir of our last fifteen years or so is a goal. Whether I achieve it or not is up to me.

A total eclipse of the sun is a magnificent sight. I shall remember it forever.

My journal is becoming more than a log of you and how you are. Two days ago I felt that my sourdough starter was far enough along to use it to make a loaf. Over that day I came to visit with you three times while I was waiting for it to proof and develop. At the end of the day after dinner and I got the loaf out of the oven, I came back over to Bridgeway Pointe to visit you. This is what I wrote that night when I returned home: I use this book to write about Cheryl and how she is doing but tonight I was disappointed that she was already in bed. I suppose I could sit with her in the darkened room but I sat on the edge of the bed for a short time and held her hand. I kissed her good night and went home disappointed. — I wanted to sit with her like we used to do.

(In the evening, some nights I really miss just sitting with you – maybe we watch TV, maybe we just talk, maybe you beat me at Scrabble, maybe I read a book and you are sewing on some project.)

Cheryl that is all I have for now. I have tried to catch you up on all the doings that happened since last I wrote. Know always that I love you.

Paul

Carpe Diem

A Budding Scientist

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One of the hidden benefits of my sister-in-law’s retirement from her lifelong private babysitting business is the fact that Zane her grandson often comes to help his mom spruce up my condo. Zane came yesterday and brought his rock collection. He is so proud of it.

I have many magnification devices and he had none, so, I gave him one of mine so that he could further explore his collection and expand his knowledge of his world. I also gave him a special Rubbermaid rock case to house his collection. He seemed satisfied with both

I snapped a few photos of the future STEM student. I am hoping that Zane will come to help his mom often. And I hope he will keep up his interest in geology.

It is unlikely that his interest in rocks will last throughout his lifetime but it might. Maybe many years from now when I am gone he will remember the good time he had yesterday examining his collect with the special magnifying glass Uncle Paul gave him.

He has such a great smile.

Carpe Diem.

After the Eclipse

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Scott figured out the exposure controls on his phone and took this picture. All I got was a blob of white light. The corona is still quite bright and phones have poor optics.

Leading up to and leading away from the time of totality, the light takes on an odd quality. In much the same fashion as just after a fierce rain storm, a thunderstorm, the light is oddly yellowish. It is dimmer of course but it is diminished and yellowish.

After the eclipse, young people’s conversation was about other things in their lives. My thoughts were about what I had just witnessed. I think I was a little awestruck and underneath the complete shadow, I felt a little sad. The sadness passed quickly as the awe took over.

After the eclipse shadow passed over us the newly blooming tulips where opening back up. The plants had closed their eyes for the night when the moon blocked out the sun.

Sunlight was dim but getting brighter. Little half moons appeared where the sunlight filtered through the bushes nearby.

Mostly though my thoughts went to Cheryl. Cheryl was fascinated with astrological phenomena. I was saddened that I could not enjoy the spectacle with her. I spent some time thinking of her reaction and discussing what we saw. We talked at length about how magnificent the corona appeared once the moon completely shut off the rays of the sun. She noted that she felt chilly when the shadow of the moon was directly overhead. (I am glad she did not need me to get her jacket from the car.) I told her that I noticed that the wind had kicked up somewhat . I supposed because the air was cooler. Many but not all of the birds stopped chattering to each other. I asked her if she had noticed the eerie sunset like quality to the horizon in all directions. This was unexpected for me.

Perhaps this is a way to mentally deal with grief, just simply talk to her. Later when I go to find the northern lights she can see them with me.

Carpe Diem.

Food Therapy

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A good friend posted this recipe for her focaccia bread. — A few of you asked for my Focaccia bread recipe. Here you go: 

In a large bowl combine 4 cups of flour, plus 2 teaspoons each salt and yeast. Stir until dough comes together. Drizzle with a good olive oil and gather it into a rough ball. It will be quite moist. Cover the bowl and place in the refrigerator for 8 to 24 hours. When you remove the bowl, gently punch down the dough, drizzle with a little more oil and gather into another ball.  Take an 11 by 13 inch pan, spread olive oil all over the bottom and sides of the pan. Press the dough to the edges of the pan.  Let sit for 30-60 minutes (some recipes suggest 2-4 hours).  Sprinkle fresh rosemary leaves on top. Drizzle more olive oil on the surface. Preheat the oven to 450 degrees.  Using all ten fingers dimple the dough until it has small depressions all over it.  Drizzle a little more olive oil and bake for 25 to 30 minutes. Remove from pan to a cooling rack. Cut into shapes of your choosing. Serve with butter or olive oil and herbs. Enjoy. See my post from earlier today to see photos.

Always up for a good challenge I noticed that Robyn didn’t mention any liquid other than oil. Her ingredients will need about 16 ounces to get a dough. Many years of making my own bread tells me this. I made it last night before I went to bed,  oiled my bowl put the dough ball in after kneading for a few minutes. I drizzled more oil on top, covered with plastic wrap and put it in the refrigerator overnight.

Robyn sprinkled it with olive oil and fresh rosemary. Alas I was out of fresh rosemary leaves, so I adjusted.

I cut the dough in half after letting it warm up to room temperature for about an hour or so. One half I put in the freezer for a couple of days later.  Dough freezes well. It will keep a couple of weeks.

The other half I rolled out a little  and pulled it into a 10 by 14 roasting sheet that I use a lot. I previously spread olive oil on the pan and after helping the dough into the corners, I covered it with oil and wax paper and let it sit about 2 hours. During the last 30 minutes I chiffonaded some spinach, diced an onion and a green pepper, found my jar of minced garlic. I spread more olive oil on top and decorated the surface.

After decorating the dough…it is ready for cheeses.

Alas again I am out of fresh Romano. Another adjustment to my normal pizza activity. I forgot to mention that I intended to use Robyn’s recipe for focaccia and make a white pizza. I sprinkled the veggies with a combination of mozzarella, Colby-jack and parmesan.

Into the  450 degree oven for 10 – 12 minutes.

Good pizza is made in a very hot oven. My oven only goes to 500 degrees Fahrenheit. 10 – 12 minutes at 450 works pretty good.

Out of the oven after 12 minutes.

I let it rest long enough for me to touch the pan to cut it.

Leftovers. Nice.

I cut the remaining into four pieces and put them into a ziploc bag in the fridge. I think that they will reheat okay. The dough soaked up a fair amount of the olive oil. Letting it rest overnight coupled with the two teaspoons of salt gives the dough a sourdough taste and chew to it.

Overall an excellent choice for homemade pizza or focaccia.

Robyn’s product.

Thanks Robyn.

Carpe Diem.

Cheers

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I have a lot of extra time. Cheryl is being cared for at Bridgeway Pointe and I hunt for ways to fill my day. I take walks on good weather days, this is one of those. The Spring weather is warming. It is not warming fast enough for me. Every time I walk by my bike to get into the car to visit Cheryl I check the tires just because. My plan for the summer is to ride that bike as many days as I can fit into my open schedule.

This morning I was uninterested in the news of the day. Donald is going to badmouth Joe for eight more months. It is impossible to describe how uninterested I am with all of that. The primary in Ohio is March 19th. After that I will no longer hear about what stinkers Frank and Bernie are and the guy with the construction company may get to drive down and fix the wall. None of those guys are telling me what they plan to do make the world a better place. They are telling me what the other guy is incapable of doing. Politics is sport. Trash talk is here.

Losing interest in network television I woke up Prime video and eventually old TV shows appeared inside of the CBS app. Cheers is an old favorite. The theme song came on and took me back to long ago. Making your way in the world today takes everything you’ve got. Taking a break from all your worries sure would help a lot. Wouldn’t you like to get away? ….Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name and they’re always glad you came. You wanna be where you can see our troubles are all the same.

I sat and watched the very first episode (I think) where the bar burns down at 2 AM in the morning after partying hard at a wedding. Afterward I told Alexa to find the theme song and it politely played that for me before switching to a collection of other TV show themes. Nostalgia on some days is good I think.

Stephen Curry was on the morning news yesterday for a bit. He wrote another children’s book. He commented that his theme is to leave the world a better place. I think that is a good life philosophy. I used to have as a goal to have the money run out about the time I did, but that is a low bar.

Perhaps, “Choose happiness and leave the world a better place than you found it. And when you start something, finish it.” is my new motto, philosophy, theme.

Spring is coming!

Carpe Diem!

—

Cheers Lyrics: Songwriters: Gary Portnoy / Judy Hart
… Making your way in the world today
Takes everything you’ve got
Taking a break from all your worries
Sure would help a lot
Wouldn’t you like to get away?
… All those nights when you’ve got no lights
The check is in the mail
And your little angel
Hung the cat up by it’s tail
And your third fiance didn’t show
… Sometimes you wanna go
Where everybody knows your name
And they’re always glad you came
You wanna be where you can see (ah-ah)
Our troubles are all the same (ah-ah)
You wanna be where everybody knows your name
… Roll out of bed, Mr. Coffee’s dead
The morning’s looking bright (the morning’s looking bright)
And your shrink ran off to Europe
And didn’t even write
And your husband wants to be a girl
Be glad there’s one place in the world
… Where everybody knows your name
And they’re always glad you came
You wanna go where people know
People are all the same
You wanna go where everybody knows your name
… Where everybody knows your name (where everybody knows your name)
And they’re always glad you came
Where everybody knows your name (where everybody knows your name)
And they’re always glad you came
Where everybody knows your name (where everybody knows your name)
And they’re always glad you came
Where everybody knows your name (where everybody knows your name)

Spring 2024 (a haiku)

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I have always been a fan of haiku. Seventeen syllables to evoke an emotional connection to the earth and our surroundings. I am also a fan of sonnet but the rhythm and rhyming sequence often escapes me. Haiku is free verse, an emotion, a summary. It is a painting in words to me. I like to experiment with it.

forsythia in bloom

new life persistent
provides much beauty on gray
wintertime background

Regardless of where we are or what we are doing or what trouble may concern us, Spring flowers appear in the landscape. Take notice of them. A new year of growth is here. Breathe in, breathe out, enjoy your surroundings. This year this lone forsythia left to grow wild in the woods behind our condo shows its beauty once again.

Carpe the landscape Diem!

Admission Of…

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What is a good way for me personally to think about, meditate, ponder my own feelings and emotions as Cheryl adjusts to her new environment? I have expressed to others that this change in our lives seems harder on me than her. It is merely a perception but she has adapted and accepts her new digs as hers.

I admitted to myself a few days ago that I felt guilt and doubt about getting Cheryl into Bridgeway Pointe’s Memory care unit. I now think it was the best decision we could make for ourselves. Many people including the nursing staff at Bridgeway have asked me how I am doing.

Dealing with feelings of emptiness…

I feel empty. It is as though a death has occurred.

Every day, all day up until November 15, 2023 Cheryl occupied my waking thoughts. On November 14th she moved into Bridgeway Pointe’s Harbor section room 137. She did not leave my heart but she left. Things were still happening on the 14th but on the 15th when I woke up, I did not have to take care of anybody but me. My day was suddenly empty.

I went to get a haircut and get the oil changed in the car. Two things that I had put off because I either did not remember to do it until it was too late in the day or I could not focus on the day to day activities that one has to do to keep it all moving forward. As I drove off to do those chores I said to myself out loud in the car that I could do whatever today and one of those whatevers could be visit Cheryl.

I suddenly felt empty again. I really hate eating alone.

Connections to others…

For some time now I have focused all my energy on Cheryl and her needs. It is time to reconnect with other friends and acquaintances and lament the lack of a life long friendship with anyone other than my wife.

Perhaps it is time to make new friendships. Have lunch. Drink a beer or two and watch a football game.

Turned inward toward Cheryl for so long…

I was and am still so focused on Cheryl and assuring myself that she is happy and we cared for I was unable to accept the fact that others may be able to do better for her than I could.

I have visited with her each day since she moved in. There is actually nothing for me to do but visit. That is fine but she is off in her own thoughts and delusions most of the day. Once she told me that I needed to take care of myself. (She has little periods of lucidity.)

I cannot always distinguish between watery eyes and simple ego. Both make it hard to see. Ego takes a lot of side stepping to see around. It really blocks the view. Watery eyes distort the view much like looking through a piece of skrim.

What is next?

For now I will devote more time to my part time activity at Mason. There are many things that I want to make sure work correctly for the red level control activities.

I want to write about our experiences more. I may back away from my blog for a bit. Writing about Cheryl and her affect on my heart is still too much. It gives me watery eyes.

I want to set up a work area in my little office space. I have always been interested in electronic things and gadgets. I need to set up a space to do those things – whatever they are.

Today I made bread. Baking is a hobby. I will have to be careful since I am the only one to eat anything I bake. Perhaps I can find others to give my baking to and make a new connection.

Carpe Diem is a motto I need to apply to myself.

Mundane

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It is hard to describe, for me anyway, how uninterested I am in doing the boring everyday tasks to keep our household running. Typically I write about our life and Cheryl’s symptomatic display of different nuances. A day or so ago I was a little down in the morning and I started these notes while I was lining up in my mind what I needed to accomplish for the day. I did not want to do any of it but it was either I do it or it does not happen.

This morning while I was thinking about it some more and helping Cheryl to get dressed, I got a Messenger-message from Cheryl Hughes asking how was I doing? (I sort of poured my heart out to her a week or so back when I was worried about some new behaviors Cheryl was presenting. Today she checked up on me.

I responded, — Not too bad. Cheryl slept mostly overnight. She got up once and told a long story about a play she was in as a child called “My Fair Lady’. I know the play. I had not heard the story about her and a couple of her siblings being in it. I helped her to the toilet and we wobbled back to bed. Sometimes she has funny and vibrant dreams that makes her talk and occasionally she wakes. And sometimes I become part of her dream(ing). I am looking forward to the day that her room is ready at the memory care section of Bridgeway Pointe near me. Between my generous sister and myself I think we have the financial resources figured out. My Roman Catholic church upbringing hovers around in the background and tells me I should feel guilty about that. It has taken me a long time and a lot of blog words to convince myself that it is best for both of us. It will happen in the next couple of weeks. (It’s saddening that the previous occupant is now in heaven.) This week we saw the nurse-practitioner who works with her MDS neurologist. Cheryl’s weight is down to 110#. She has lost 24# since the NP weighed her in March. She sleeps more. Today I crushed her morning meds into applesauce because she told me she does not like the pudding that I have been using. I have been crushing her pills for a couple of weeks now. Today I am fine and you are helping me to gather my thoughts about the mundane day to day tasks associated with living. Why do those seem overwhelming on some days and on other days not?

It seems as though time just drags. And all of these activities: laundry, cleaning, cooking, filing, checking, shopping for supplies and other little day to day things are just there to give me another thing to do while caring for Cheryl.

These are mundane but necessary. These are not my whole existence. It sucks to believe that this is the reason I am here. Let me whine a little. I write this for me.

Filing

I have never been a good filer. Librarians are good at this and finding things back. I am not. Frankly it is a scary task that I ignore for too long and then it is overwhelming. Categories – that has to be decided first and it has to be more specific than “stuff” or “stuff to-be-saved”. Later on more anxiety creeps in as one must decide “how long to keep the stuff?” Why is there no manual?

It is just history anyway. Only the IRS can ding you into giving up your records of stuff.

Many folks have a hobby of scrap booking. I have several note books of scraps of my journaling along through life. Does that count? I have not given them the pitch nor have I organized them in any fashion. They merely sit upon my desk in full view of the monitor.

In a previous life our purchasing department had a wonderful clerk who filed all invoices by date of purchase order and then alphabetically by vendor. Once a quarter she would empty the drawers and scan them electronically into files saved in the same order in a database. It made my life easier as an engineer. I could easily find the PO # and from that I could find the vendor and warranty information. A much better system than my “root through the drawer” technique I have now. Life needs a database.

Checking

I have written about this before and I consider this to be a great accomplishment. Early on I decided that it was unnecessary to maintain Cheryl’s shoe-box method. My files are all electronic. The absolute first thing I did was to find a piece of software to maintain my checkbook separate from the bank’s system so that I could check them and my spending.

Categories rose its ugly head early as I had to decide what I wanted to call various expenses and income streams. (Just in case the IRS decided to ding me.) I got through it. Why am I unable to do the same with a drawer full of paper. Maybe because the system I learned from Mom was put everything into an envelope called “Paid Bills” date it and put it in the drawer? There might also be coupons from J C Penny in there too.

Cooking

I actually like to cook. Generally I like my cooking. I also like to experiment with things. Sometimes the disasters are not edible. When I am cooking for Cheryl and me I do not experiment. She eats less and less these days. I have no desire to have her feel bad about not eating what I have prepared. It is harder and harder to figure out what she might eat at any one time. Breakfast was usually safe. That is no longer true.

Laundry

I do laundry almost every day. It is usually a mixed load of towels, underwear, shirts and pants. Cheryl is a pack rat when It comes to old used Kleenex tissues. She blows her nose and then puts it away in her pocket. I have become pretty adept at discovering where and in which pocket she is hiding the Kleenex. She only has two pair of pajama bottoms that have pockets. I am onto those odd pants and check them first before they hit the basket.

Today a new crisis has arisen. Who would think that a corn muffin would retain its shape through the entire hour and seventeen minutes of the washing machine cycle. I am pretty sure it is no longer edible and some of it did fall apart so now it is all over the inside of the washer. Sticky. It was folded up into the dish towel I used as a place mat the other day. (UPDATE – if you let the washer air out for a couple hours the sticky loses its tactile strength and the muffin parts can be sucked up with a dust buster or other suitable small vacuum.)

Every day is a learning experience.

I outsource the cleaning duties to my niece.

I actually like shopping for supplies either online or in the store. If I have to take Cheryl with me I cannot spend as much time shopping but it is still an enjoyable experience. And she gets out and feels like she is helping. I am disappointed that Boxed Up has gone out of business. Amazon is a big help as is Kroger’s.

Carpe Diem.

Time for a Change

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One of my favorite words is Luddite. It is a pejorative. Luddites are resistant to technology and change. Buddhism and Hinduism share the doctrine of Anicca or Anitya, that is “nothing lasts, everything is in constant state of change”. Imagine a Buddhist Luddite. There is a guy with a serious mental health issue.

Difficulties of life while supporting a person with any sort of chronic disease tempers one’s world view. I have come to decide that change in perspective is necessary for a healthy mind, a calm mind, a sane mind.

I have decided to make three changes in my day that I hope will adjust my personal perspective. In the morning spend an hour writing. It is quiet. Use the time wisely. In the morning spend fifteen minutes doing some exercise. In the evening read for an hour. Stephen King has a new book.

I do some of this currently. Generally I read for an hour or so before I go to bed but after I help Cheryl to bed. It is quiet in the late evening. Cheryl usually needs time to settle down. If I go to bed at the same time as her I tend to lie awake listening to her squirm and rub and pat the bed and generally fidget. Often while reading I find myself listening carefully to hear if she is moving. If this happens I realize that whatever reading material I have is not holding my interest and attention. It is time to sleep.

For awhile in the morning during the early summer I had a series of chair yoga (old out of shape people yoga) exercises that I did in the morning. The whole series took about 15 – 20 minutes. Somewhere in June I lost interest and quit but exercise is boring and doing exercise because someone told you it is good for you is uninspiring. I do not simply believe ideas that others expound. I look for some validity elsewhere first. Perhaps I need to mix it up and find my groove. I am still working on that aspect of it.

Write in the morning during the early hours while Cheryl is still sleeping. Make it a routine and perhaps I can finish my book. My it a routine and perhaps I can inspire myself. I have started three different book ideas. I have to select one and push it.

A fourth thing not mentioned above is go back to working with students in the program I am involved with at a local community college. It is a fact that communication with others without dementia can be a relief from the miscommunication that occurs in our every day life. Four hours is about long enough for me relax and not think about Cheryl. It is a break. I think I need that.

It is later in the year. The sun goes down earlier in the day. Cheryl’s brain wanders off into some odd places when it is winter gloomy outside. Our condominium is one the first floor of a two story building. We are in the back and the windows face east with a view of an overgrown woods. It can be a bleak landscape view in the winter. In the summer it fills in close enough that there is no view of the sunrise. Garages line the front so that there is no view to the front and the typically magnificent sunsets we can view from our hilltop. But it is a one floor plan which is perfect for Cheryl and her bad knees. it is, however, dark in the winter and on a cloudy summer day much like viewing the world through cataracts.

And there you have it, my first morning of writing and thinking.

Carpe Diem.

The Devil Wears Prada

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It is a great movie about work/life balance. Meryl Streep, Anne Hathaway, Emily Blunt, Simon Baker, Stanley Tucci and others portray an exciting and treacherous existence in the environment of high fashion. Along the lines of Pretty Woman, Nigel (Stanley Tucci) helps Andy (Anne Hathaway) to get her act together and become indispensable to Miranda (Meryl Streep) the head of the magazine called Runway. Ultimately Andy realizes the life is not for her after she realizes how duplicitous Miranda is following an episode in which Andy has placed all of her loyalty and assumes a friendship that does not exist between the two women. She pitches her pager into a fountain in Paris and walks away.

That movie appeared on VH1 the other night as Cheryl and I were winding down in the evening. I have watched it several times before. It is very well done. And now it occurs to me that my working career was over in time to allow me to devote myself to caring for Cheryl. I like to watch movies and Cheryl and I have been doing that more in the evening. She seems to enjoy sitting quietly and watching while also looking at a magazine or messing with the Frameo that no longer receives pictures for some mysterious reason.

The storyline of movie has to be slow moving and serious and tell a story. The superfluous and loud comic book movies that seem to be popular do not interest her and they are hard to follow. I find them to be the same.

She is completely wrapped up in 80 For Bradley because she likes the four actresses involved in the story. I am constantly hunting for another like it to capture her interest. (We have watched it many times.) I am much too familiar with “80 For Brady”.

Last evening I found an old Tom Hanks movie “Big” was alive and well on MGM+ on demand. We watched that. A cute little story with a very young Tom Hanks. Cheryl sat and watched it all the way through. She sorted some of the Kleenex in the box next to her and lined the tissues up with the old CET Connect magazine that she was looking through while also half watching the movie. We talked on and off as her mind wove the movie story line into her memories of childhood. In all it was a calm and pleasant evening and she ran out of gas about 10:30 PM.

Perfect! She got to see the weather report so that she could forget it today. Winter is coming and so is Friday the first of September.

Carpe Diem.