This is my favorite time of the year. These days in Ohio the white trees are blooming. Most of them look pretty. They seem a week or so early this year because we had a mild winter here in southern Ohio. Nevertheless, most of these trees are decorative Bradford pear trees and the surrounding countryside has an odd decaying carcass smell.
Later the redbuds will bloom. The daffodils and forsythia have been blooming solid for a week.
Maybe I will buy a bag of birdseed.
Carpe Diem.
I did a stupid thing (my word) and injured my neck. After a couple MRIs and a couple of days in hospital and two neurosurgeons consulting with each other the eventual result is wear this necklace (dog collar) for eight weeks and all will be well.
I have found that I am getting used to it. I can remove it to shave and as long as I keep that up, it is not terribly uncomfortable. But that is not what I intended to write about here.
Few people are satisfied with “I fell” as an explanation for my wearing this device. Most will not hesitate to get more details. Those are all people who know me and know Cheryl’s situation. I must have a group of good friends who are concerned with our well being. I am grateful for that concern. It is also something for which I have not learned to be thankful and say thanks often for the kindness and help. I have an explanation of course, my head is generally somewhere else these days but that does not excuse me from being thankful for the extra hands and help.
So, thanks to everyone in my life who has helped me the past few days. You know who you are. Thanks to others who did not need a full explanation of how I fell on my face. It is an embarrassment to me no matter how many times others tell me that things happen. It morphed into some of us old guys telling stories about how we screwed up and luckily did not kill ourselves in the process. – You think that was dumb, wait until you hear this one I did. – A good discussion was had by all.
Today Cheryl was very active and animated. A friend from church and my cousin-in-law came to visit her and then while we were chatting the music guy showed up to get the residents to sing along and drum with the music. It lifted my spirits for a bit.
Carpe Diem.
Today is Sunday. When I was here earlier Cheryl was dozing. She had taken her meds earlier and ate a little breakfast. Often when I come over on Sunday afternoon she is alert and active and talking to someone else who is invisible to me. This day is no exception.
She let me sit with her and hold her hands for a few minutes. Now she has rediscovered a knitted fidget that has beads, a pocket, a loop and buttons. Cheryl discovered this shortly after she moved to Bridgeway Pointe and it seems to keep her interest for long periods. She is struggling with the loop to hook it over the bead and button.
The loop is the most fascinating thing. She loves to loop it around her fingers.
I take every opportunity to hold her hand.
Carpe hand holding Diem.
Dear Cheryl,
Today I got up a little before 7AM. I had coffee, some toast and an orange while working through the Wordle and the Nerdle. I found a reference to Nerdle in an article in the WSJ. You get six chances to solve a math equation. (Something like: 12+35=47) It is my new challenge for the morning coffee experience.
I looked at the list for the day. I had purposely left my journal open to that “Each Day” list I told you about last evening after I watered all the plants. Our finances are okay for now. And some robocaller keeps calling my cellphone from a 651 area code. I did not answer. I also stopped some Amazon subscriptions that I had forgotten to stop when you moved to Bridgeway. I now have enough coffee to last until May, I think. Maybe June.
It is hard to remember to do something(s) when you consume so much of my thought process. I make various attempts to distract myself with other fun things. When I do that I often forget to do other chores that actually need doing.
Also this morning I got out some great northern beans to soak. I am going to make bean soup tonight or early tomorrow. I spent some time looking at various bean soup recipes on the world wide web but ultimately I will probably create my own. I know that you never cared for bean soup because you you were worried about farting. Now that you are there and I am here, I do not concern myself with that dilemma. And I probably will not worry over a specific recipe. Maybe just; the french trinity, a little olive oil, some garlic, the beans and some chicken broth. Season to taste with basil and other spices like cumin for that old sneaker background flavor. I know you are not going to eat any so I can suit my palate.
Some of this I am writing while Michael the hospice case nurse is examining the sore on your bottom and dressing it for you. The aides noted it on your chart info. And Mike is addressing it. If you wonder what he did, he rubbed an antibiotic ointment on the area and put the biggest band-aid on it I have ever seen. I looks like the sores that you rubbed on your butt while sitting on the toilet at home before I got the terry seat covers from Amazon. This sore is right at the end of your tail bone. If you could eat a little more, perhaps you would get more padding there and your tail bone would not be trying to wear through.
I went over to the small cafe that is in the Drake Center for lunch when it looked as though the staff was getting all of you ready for your lunch. I noticed that in the past if I sat with you for lunch or dinner that I would become anxious if you did not eat well. I would try to help my anxiety be helping you to eat and we might even fight if I anxiously awaited putting the next bite of food into your mouth. It was aggravating for you as you worried about disappointing me. It was aggravating to me because I realized that I had removed your last bit of independence. It is better that I feed myself somewhere else without annoying you.
Lunch was good. Something called a chicken club sandwich and some chunky steak fries to go with it. I also got a piece of pineapple upside down cake. I took that home with me for later. My eyes were bigger than my stomach. (I am eating it now while I write this letter to you.)
I paid cash for $9.67 lunch with a $20 bill and marveled as the attendant got out her iPhone to calculate what she owed me for change. I reminisced about teaching rudimentary math and GED topic areas at Southwestern College downtown. The same question popped into my head that popped at least once during every class I taught after the first one there – Why is this so easy for me and hard for other people? And then two things dawned on me – there is no CASH button for her to input how much money I gave to her; there are no numbers on her screen at all, she merely inputs what she sees in front of her (just like McDonald’s). I could tell her the answer but to me, that seemed both impolite and pedantic, so I waited politely.
Afterward we sat together for awhile when we were both finished with our lunches this afternoon. I really enjoyed that. Just sitting and holding hands reminds me of when we were much younger. Do you remember sitting in the March sunshine and holding hands in the woods when the Boy Scouts showed up in that park in Kentucky? That is a great memory of mine.
Know that I love you and I miss you here at home. I wish our situation was different but I also know that you are getting excellent care at BP.
Your loving husband,
Paul
In a Facebook group someone suggested that I write a letter to Cheryl each day. It could be cathartic, she said. Writing and journaling is cathartic. Writing a letter can and does channel ones thoughts. I am writing to her about my day as though she is far away and I want her to be here in my part of the world.
Carpe Diem
My son’s life got jammed up today. He asked me if I could be at his house when the smallest grand son, Zachary, got off the bus in the afternoon. I said sure I can do that for you.
Four weeks ago that would not have been my answer. A couple of days ago it was yes.
Life changed when Cheryl moved into Bridgeway Pointe. She adjusted pretty quickly. I think that it is taking me longer. She slept late today. Today I have babysitting duty.
And as luck would have it, I was not needed for duty.
Haiku: Too bad, how sad, Dad. | Zachary okay today. | No need for grand Dad.
Carpe Diem.
One cannot be certain where the day is going when the person you care about most is dealing with Parkinson, memory loss and rapidly developing dementia. I have not spent much time away from Cheryl in my mind lately but Edie’s words made me think.
NEVER REGRET A DAY IN YOUR LIFE: GOOD DAYS GIVE HAPPINESS, BAD DAYS GIVE EXPERIENCE, WORST DAYS GIVE LESSONS, AND BEST DAYS GIVE MEMORIES.
— from Edie Kynard (a friend on Facebook)
The past few days are oddly jumbled up in my head. Yesterday we continued to track down Cheryl’s cousins-that-she-has-not-seen-for-awhile and had lunch. We picked up Lois and in keeping with our plan went to eat in a restaurant we had not been to before. Wild Mike’s it was called. Sort of a cross between a diner and a sports bar. In Cincinnati how you tell that is the place sells boneless chicken wings, real chicken wings, hoagies and hamburgers. It was a good time and we stopped in with Lois for an hour or so and Cheryl went through her family reunion book with Lois.
This afternoon two of Cheryl’s friends came to visit for awhile. I went to the barber for a much needed tune-up. I enjoyed the camaraderie of the barber shop that I have been going to for 50 years or so.
In the evening I made dinner in the oven as rain was predicted and I did not want to grill out in the wet. We ate on the back patio waiting for the rain that never did come. Cheryl pronounced it good and ate most of it. We did not argue. We enjoyed a random conversation about plants and rocks and things in the woodsy area behind our condo. She told me about some kids in the trees that I could not see. I asked her what they were doing. Just hanging there she said.
And today, although it was not best, is a good memory. Tomorrow she said as I helped her to bed – I want to put up the Christmas tree.
Carpe Diem
Tonight it is the Blue Wahoos of Pensacola versus the Biscuits of Montgomery Alabama. Pensacola has a minor league baseball team and both Max and Eric are huge baseball fans so we thought it would be fun to go. Tickets were found and we are off. A trip to the pro shop netted a really fine Florida baseball hat.
The team colors are navy and gray. The Biscuits have almost the same colors which makes it a bit confusing from the stands.
It was a great time although Cheryl ran out of gas at the bottom of the seventh inning with the score tied 3 all.
Carpe Diem.
Last night when I came to bed Cheryl was still awake. I asked like I always do if all was well. She replied that yes she was okay. She said, “I was thinking about Mom.”
“What were you you thinking?”, I asked.
” I miss talking to her.”
It was an incredibly lucid moment of which there are fewer and fewer. We talked for a bit about our mothers. She missed Elaine in that moment but she was not sad. She was thoughtful. Elaine is very present to her. Most days Cheryl wants to call her and tell her about what is going on. When we go somewhere, Cheryl wants to make sure someone is attending to her mom’s needs.
I suppose that time for relaxation and thinking and memories of her childhood and past good times bubble up in her thoughts when she lets go of control for a bit. Last night was one of those. She was not upset. If anything she was relaxed and pleasantly fatigued from the day’s activities.
Lately I have been giving her a chance to talk about her thoughts as she goes to bed. If I read for awhile before coming to bed and she is still awake I encourage her to tell me what she is thinking about. Sometimes many anxieties are jumbled up in her head. Sometimes, like last night, she is thinking pleasant thoughts. Sometimes she longs for Auld Angsine. (Sp?)
The crabcakes were good and it was breezy on the pier. The shore birds where grabbing any of the small bait fish that they could find.
Today is a new day.
Carpe Diem.
When the children were small we began a tradition of making a trip to Myrtle Beach about once each year. The company that I worked for at the time used a pair of common vacation weeks which always landed at the end of July and the first week of August.
The company paid us salaried folks every four weeks called a period. The vacation weeks were the middle two weeks of the eighth period of the year. There were thirteen periods in a year and every few years a week was added to the thirteenth period to correct alignment with a normal calendar year. The Roman’s and later on the Pope would have been proud of Cincinnati Milacron.
Every year for 15 years or so our family went on vacation in the hottest part of the Ohio summer. Since my father worked for Milacron the memories of this vacation time goes back to childhood.
Cheryl liked to hike and walk. Not being an especially athletic person she substituted hiking and walking for any other athletic endeavor. At Myrtle Beach we would get up early hike the empty beach. It is where I first saw the green flash that occurs when the sun comes up over the ocean.
On other vacations over the years hiking was a big motivator. In every state park or national park or area that we stopped in walking and hiking was a major part of the experience. Maps were collected upon arrival and put to good use during the stay. In one Kentucky park our hike was about ten miles. It is without a doubt the thing I miss most with the onslaught of Parkinson. Her struggle to walk freely and move easily is disheartening. It was in many ways our main entertainment.
Conversation, discussion, debate, points won, points lost were all accompanied by a satisfyingly long walk. I think I miss those more than I can easily express.
Today my daughter and her husband took a long walk down the beach together. I was envious.
This time at the beach I am pushing her here and there. There are special wheelchairs for the beach and they are free. There is good ice cream across the road. I pushed her there too.
Carpe Diem.
Cheryl and I have come to Florida rarely. My brother who was several years older than me chased his job to Florida in the 1970’s. We had been to visit with him and his family three times in all those years. The last time was not even a year before he passed from the Earth.
There are times when I think about Bill. Occasionally I hear his voice when I talk but occasionally I hear my father’s voice also. We came from the same germ so that’s bound to happen. Dad’s intonation and cadence is in our speech.
This place is in the panhandle almost Alabama part of Florida. Driving around today using up time before we could claim our condo for ourselves I noticed how busy this place is. It seems many are packing as many experiences as possible into the week that they have here.
The water seems to be a different color than the Atlantic coast around Myrtle Beach where we took the kids for many years. I could be wrong about that. It has been many years since we have been there. Memories fade over time.
The pine trees in southern Alabama look to be same species as those in South Carolina and Georgia.
Cheryl seems very tired. It is understandable. It has been a long ride for her and me. The view is very different from our veranda. It is certainly not Ohio.
The surf is very loud.
Cheryl seems concerned that she is not attending to some things that need attention. She is unclear about what those things are. I have assured her many times over that I have made sure that nothing will be missed because of this trip.
If she sleeps well tonight it will be great on the morrow.
Carpe Diem.
Adjunct_Wizard 