It is hard to describe, for me anyway, how uninterested I am in doing the boring everyday tasks to keep our household running. Typically I write about our life and Cheryl’s symptomatic display of different nuances. A day or so ago I was a little down in the morning and I started these notes while I was lining up in my mind what I needed to accomplish for the day. I did not want to do any of it but it was either I do it or it does not happen.

This morning while I was thinking about it some more and helping Cheryl to get dressed, I got a Messenger-message from Cheryl Hughes asking how was I doing? (I sort of poured my heart out to her a week or so back when I was worried about some new behaviors Cheryl was presenting. Today she checked up on me.

I responded, — Not too bad. Cheryl slept mostly overnight. She got up once and told a long story about a play she was in as a child called “My Fair Lady’. I know the play. I had not heard the story about her and a couple of her siblings being in it. I helped her to the toilet and we wobbled back to bed. Sometimes she has funny and vibrant dreams that makes her talk and occasionally she wakes. And sometimes I become part of her dream(ing). I am looking forward to the day that her room is ready at the memory care section of Bridgeway Pointe near me. Between my generous sister and myself I think we have the financial resources figured out. My Roman Catholic church upbringing hovers around in the background and tells me I should feel guilty about that. It has taken me a long time and a lot of blog words to convince myself that it is best for both of us. It will happen in the next couple of weeks. (It’s saddening that the previous occupant is now in heaven.) This week we saw the nurse-practitioner who works with her MDS neurologist. Cheryl’s weight is down to 110#. She has lost 24# since the NP weighed her in March. She sleeps more. Today I crushed her morning meds into applesauce because she told me she does not like the pudding that I have been using. I have been crushing her pills for a couple of weeks now. Today I am fine and you are helping me to gather my thoughts about the mundane day to day tasks associated with living. Why do those seem overwhelming on some days and on other days not?

It seems as though time just drags. And all of these activities: laundry, cleaning, cooking, filing, checking, shopping for supplies and other little day to day things are just there to give me another thing to do while caring for Cheryl.

These are mundane but necessary. These are not my whole existence. It sucks to believe that this is the reason I am here. Let me whine a little. I write this for me.

Filing

I have never been a good filer. Librarians are good at this and finding things back. I am not. Frankly it is a scary task that I ignore for too long and then it is overwhelming. Categories – that has to be decided first and it has to be more specific than “stuff” or “stuff to-be-saved”. Later on more anxiety creeps in as one must decide “how long to keep the stuff?” Why is there no manual?

It is just history anyway. Only the IRS can ding you into giving up your records of stuff.

Many folks have a hobby of scrap booking. I have several note books of scraps of my journaling along through life. Does that count? I have not given them the pitch nor have I organized them in any fashion. They merely sit upon my desk in full view of the monitor.

In a previous life our purchasing department had a wonderful clerk who filed all invoices by date of purchase order and then alphabetically by vendor. Once a quarter she would empty the drawers and scan them electronically into files saved in the same order in a database. It made my life easier as an engineer. I could easily find the PO # and from that I could find the vendor and warranty information. A much better system than my “root through the drawer” technique I have now. Life needs a database.

Checking

I have written about this before and I consider this to be a great accomplishment. Early on I decided that it was unnecessary to maintain Cheryl’s shoe-box method. My files are all electronic. The absolute first thing I did was to find a piece of software to maintain my checkbook separate from the bank’s system so that I could check them and my spending.

Categories rose its ugly head early as I had to decide what I wanted to call various expenses and income streams. (Just in case the IRS decided to ding me.) I got through it. Why am I unable to do the same with a drawer full of paper. Maybe because the system I learned from Mom was put everything into an envelope called “Paid Bills” date it and put it in the drawer? There might also be coupons from J C Penny in there too.

Cooking

I actually like to cook. Generally I like my cooking. I also like to experiment with things. Sometimes the disasters are not edible. When I am cooking for Cheryl and me I do not experiment. She eats less and less these days. I have no desire to have her feel bad about not eating what I have prepared. It is harder and harder to figure out what she might eat at any one time. Breakfast was usually safe. That is no longer true.

Laundry

I do laundry almost every day. It is usually a mixed load of towels, underwear, shirts and pants. Cheryl is a pack rat when It comes to old used Kleenex tissues. She blows her nose and then puts it away in her pocket. I have become pretty adept at discovering where and in which pocket she is hiding the Kleenex. She only has two pair of pajama bottoms that have pockets. I am onto those odd pants and check them first before they hit the basket.

Today a new crisis has arisen. Who would think that a corn muffin would retain its shape through the entire hour and seventeen minutes of the washing machine cycle. I am pretty sure it is no longer edible and some of it did fall apart so now it is all over the inside of the washer. Sticky. It was folded up into the dish towel I used as a place mat the other day. (UPDATE – if you let the washer air out for a couple hours the sticky loses its tactile strength and the muffin parts can be sucked up with a dust buster or other suitable small vacuum.)

Every day is a learning experience.

I outsource the cleaning duties to my niece.

I actually like shopping for supplies either online or in the store. If I have to take Cheryl with me I cannot spend as much time shopping but it is still an enjoyable experience. And she gets out and feels like she is helping. I am disappointed that Boxed Up has gone out of business. Amazon is a big help as is Kroger’s.

Carpe Diem.