Month: January 2024

Dance Competition

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A small gymnasium with loud music and time to wait, the pre-dance show is boring. I am glad that I have a book. I am writing facetious nonsense.There is no pre-dance show. It is loud music, unnecessarily so, in a small gymnasium.

The girls on all the teams are enthusiastic and passionate about their routines. As a biased grandfather watching these kids perform I think my granddaughter did the best but two concepts interfere with that assessment, familial relationship and ignorance of the judgment criteria. A rubric would be helpful with the latter. There is no help for the former.

I did enjoy the afternoon with my daughter’s family. Earlier in the day Cheryl had been sleeping soundly in her recliner. I sat with her for a time. She did stir when I talked to her. She did not stir when I kissed her cheek. She did not stir when pulled the blanket from beneath her head and covered her with it. She did not stir when I kissed her good-bye and left to have some lunch before the ride to the competition.

Jazz Dance

Cheryl was safe and taken care of. I went to watch the dancers without concerns for her wellbeing. I thought about how she would have liked to have been there. I made a video to show her later.

Cheer

Carpet Diem

January 6th and End of Life

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Yesterday I put away the few Christmas decorations that I had spotted around. The very last thing was the door decoration that I had carried over to Cheryl at the Harbor. Later I realized I was a day early. Cheryl always did that on January 6th or the weekend afterward. I left a little carved camel and a note “Off to find the star…” in the place where I had set up a small creche that had been my mother’s.

I went out to retrieve the snail mail to today and noticed my note to mostly myself but able to be viewed by my neighbors. In the mail was an envelope from my sister that contained the signature page of her advance directive document should someone need to speak up for her at the end of her life. She has saddled that task on her lifelong friend Phyllis. I am her first alternate.

I visited Cheryl earlier today. She was sleeping very soundly so after sitting with her for a bit and sending her picture to her brothers and sisters, I kissed her good-bye. She did not stir so I left to find lunch at home.

Off to find the star… is a metaphor to me for life and where Cheryl and I are. I am very glad that she is well cared for at all hours of the day and night. Once in awhile I have this overwhelming sadness and grief that sneaks up on me at odd times. This morning it was during the simple activity of making the bed. It is funny how certain chores are taken over by various participants in a loving marriage. Cheryl always did this until a few years ago. Even a few weeks ago as I was making the bed I might be talking to her and encouraging her to select a certain shirt or “why don’t you wear your red jeans today?” Even though I was doing the bed, we would banter back and forth.

I miss that. The star dims with time.

My granddaughter is participating in a dance competition today. Soon my daughter will pick me up to go with her to watch the competition. Cheryl is safe and calm and perhaps asleep. I am off to find the star by myself.

Carpe Diem.

In This New Year

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Be it Resolved:

That I will be the best husband that I can Be but not better than I Am.

That I will be the best father that I can Be but not better than I Am.

That I will be the best grandfather that I can Be but not better than I Am.

That is all I resolve to do in this new year of 2024. For those of you math nerds it is the day after 123123 (12/31/23) and one year after the Fibonacci year 01123 (1/1/23). Those dates may be significant to others who look for significance where there is mere coincidence but for me those dates only mark passage of time. After all the calendar is arbitrary. In the sixteenth century our calendar was adjusted by the Pope. It was adjusted again in the eighteenth century that is why George Washington and a couple other founding fathers have two birthdays. The Chinese standardized theirs in 2017 but in some places it is still 4721 or 4722 depending. There is much that is arbitrary and little that is significant with calendars.

Cheryl was the keeper of our home calendar but lately it was me that pasted birthday labels and marked other appointments and social events on it. In the week between Christmas and January 1st, I would layout the new wall calendar on the dining table and mark birthdays and other carry over appointments on it and then hang it for the last few days behind the current calendar. Lately she was unsure of which part to look at. To Cheryl it is Easter time. I have not purchased a new home calendar. Perhaps I should do that soon.

I have found and am wearing my father’s watch given to him to mark the anniversary of his 25th year where he had worked his entire life except for the bad times in the early 1940’s.

Time passes. Tempus Fugit.

Cheryl is comfortable, settled and safe in the Harbor memory care section of Bridgeway Pointe. Last week we met with a hospice care induction nurse to find the best course of care for her in this new year. I believe that she is getting the best that I can do for her in the new year.

No one can be better than they are. My hope is that I can be the best of what I am.

Carpe diem, tempus fugit.