Dear Cheryl,

On this anniversary of ours, the first after you died, the first after you traveled to heaven, I am thinking of you and how much I miss you. We had a great time together.

I am feeling a little sad today. Not so much about your death but more so about the fact that you went first. I know that is selfish of me but there it is. I always thought I would go first. I am sad that you went first but happy that you are not suffering anymore.

Occasionally for the rest of the time I am here I will miss you deeply and be a little sad too. I expect it to happen on special occasions for us. I promise to slow down and reflect on our relationship and our time together on those occasions. I feel stronger when I focus on your smile in pictures, many of these I keep in my heart.

Do you remember the trip to the Grand Canyon? That picture is my absolute favorite of you. When I close my eyes that is the picture I see.

The events of this day, August 29th, our wedding anniversary, are still foggy in my mind. It was HOT – I remember that. I remember how your mom had several long tables in your house covered with wedding presents. (I’m using the lamp in my office. I hope you are okay with that. ) I remember how we left the reception party that night early and went to your house to change. I remember some of your neighbors were sitting in the kitchen keeping burglars away. I remember drinking a tiny glass of beer at the reception and thinking ice water or a coke would have been better because it was HOT that evening and I was wearing a rented tuxedo that was tight.

This morning I weighed myself. I will never fit into that tux again.

It was a great day even though I remember few minute details. We stayed in a Holiday Inn overnight before we took our trip to Kentucky.

Our ceremony was at noon. We must have had dinner somewhere before the reception. I have no memory of that. It was a joyous (and anxious) day for me. It was the official beginning of us even though we met four years previously.

I am feeling a lot of love for you today and I want to talk about it. It is not fair that you are not here, so I am writing this letter.

I will put it on my blog so you can read it there if you cannot see all the words through my teary eyes. I put water on your flowers today. They seem to be blooming more and more. I miss you.

I carry your heart in my heart.

Happy Anniversary dear,

Paul.