Cheryl taught me that you do not have to accept the way things are if you think that the current situation is not acceptable or not perfect for your needs. Acceptance of imperfection was against her nature. It sounds odd even to my ear but I thought about this as I was retrieving the kitchen tablecloth from the dryer to fold it. A few years ago we were shopping for a round tablecloth in Walmart one evening. She found one that she liked but it was considerably larger than necessary to cover the table. I pointed that out to her but she liked the pattern, so, we purchased it. Her solution was to trim it and hem the new edge. She did this to two tablecloths. One to put on the table while the other was being laundered.

This tablecloth story is just one really small example. The tablecloths were not so large that they were unusable as is but it was a point in our life when we were very conscious of trip hazards and grab bars. Extra draping material from the tablecloth seemed to be a thing to avoid if possible.

Support group – her diagnosis of Parkinson and later discovery of others within our parish community were faced with the same malady inspired her to start up a support group within the parish. I wrote the following paragraphs as a part of thank you notes to many people who memorialized her by sending money to the U.C. Foundation.

She set out early on to help others cope and live their fullest life with Parkinson disease. She started a support group at Nativity Church, our parish community, and when COVID came along and stopped everything she moved it to Parkinson Community Fitness in Blue Ash were it grew to include many others who were not Nativity parishioners. Her goal was to disseminate information, provide social interaction and to help with the day to day activities of life with Parkinson. She wanted this to help both the person with Parkinson (PWP) and the care partners.

Her support group which I and a couple other helpers continue, is somewhat unique in this respect. Often support groups are for one or the other but by encouraging both to come she encouraged up front discussion about what both the care partner and the PWP were anxious and concerned about. Those concerns are often very different. Her group provided a safe place for us to talk over those issues.

Exercise – In her own body she did not accept the progression of the disease as a forgone conclusion. She knew that exercise was helpful and important for her to stave off the effects of the disease. Cheryl was not athletic at all during her life time. She played no sports. What she did enjoy is walking and hiking but she accepted the fact that she needed to exercise consistently. We had belonged to the YMCA and the JCC for a long time before her symptoms appeared. In her deep water aerobics classes at the JCC she struggled with moving down the pool as her left side motion and control manifested the influence of early symptoms of her Parkinson.

She did not give in to the onslaught of her disease. We walked more and she worked with a trainer at the YMCA who admitted that she was unfamiliar with PD but she was willing to learn and work with Cheryl. Cheryl for her part had a group of exercises provided by a physical therapist and between the two of them they developed a series of routines that Cheryl would do every time we came to the Y. I just peddled a stationary bike elsewhere in the gym and observed.

She was a consistent exerciser until the last year of her life when the disease took over her cognition and memory. I fought that by getting the doctor to recommend physical therapy. She was unable to keep up with the exercise regimen without some close in support.

Research – she participated in a research study that tracked the progression of the disease and because she told me she wanted to do it, when she neared the end of her physical life, I signed the paperwork for her to donate her brain to the scientists at U. C. studying the causes and searching for a cure for Parkinson. Cheryl’s dementia had completely taken over her brain a few weeks before death. She asserted her will until the end but eventually succumbed.

I was reminded of all of this this morning while folding that tablecloth. It is amazing, her mom’s word, where my thoughts go while doing everyday activities such as laundry.

Never settle for almost the right solution.

Carpe Diem.