“There are always problems to face, but it makes a difference if our minds are calm. On the surface we may get upset, but it makes a difference if we are able to stay calm in the depths of our minds.”

His Holiness the great 14th Dalai Lama

Three days later and all the life celebrations are complete. I need some time to just be quiet. Some time for me only to think about Cheryl and maybe I can distract myself from my sadness. I do not know where I am going with that thought. A dismasted ship is a good metaphor. It is still upright. It has not lost its keel in the storm but its means of propulsion is missing.

I need some time to find propulsion. This feels very weird. My life is suddenly empty of a major piece of it. It is very hard to watch someone who you love die. I am not talking about being there at the actual moment of death. A very somber moment for sure but I am thinking about the long process that Cheryl went through.

Reading through my blog, journal entries, pictures and Cheryl’s postie notes to herself, the process took about six years. It was longer than that but that is the time line that I notice as I reread those.

Charlie Brown says it all, “AAUGH! and that gives me license to scream my displeasure at the whole thing and cry a little.

Carpe Diem.