Research study questions are I opening (I know you think eye opening) but I meant I as in me. Before the pandemic pandemonium Cheryl agreed to participate in a longitudinal study on Parkinson’s disease.

There is an initial evaluation of mobility and mental agility. There is a blood test, urine test and stool sample test.

Much of the mental agility data collection effort is question and answer style. Several different instruments are used, one of which is the Beck Depression Inventory. As Cynthia (study tester) asked Cheryl the questions and marked her answers, Cheryl began to cry. Cynthia decided to skip the test. She did the same thing with the MOCA test. Cheryl could not draw a clock last time she took it.

As Cheryl was using the restroom I remarked to Cynthia that this might be the last time that Cheryl would be able to come and participate in Dr. Espay’s study. It was not that I thought she did not want to, rather, her mind is gone to the point that she may be of no help to them. Perhaps I should not impose on Cheryl’s desire to help others. A year from now she probably will not remember this visit.

The Beck instrument starts with questions such as:

1.
0 I do not feel sad.
1 I feel sad
2 I am sad all the time and I can’t snap out of it.
3 I am so sad and unhappy that I can’t stand it.
2.
0 I am not particularly discouraged about the future.
1 I feel discouraged about the future.
2 I feel I have nothing to look forward to.
3 I feel the future is hopeless and that things cannot improve.

… etc.

Cheryl teared up on question 2. In each question the participant selects the answer that they feel at the time. At the end a score is computed that evaluates the participant’s depression. Cheryl’s emotional level was strong on the second question and Cynthia stopped the instrument.

I had not realized how this disease was weighing on her emotions. As the disease progresses Cheryl needs more help physically. She relies more on me and others around her. She is very resistant to accept help from others constantly. She gave up driving long ago. A big part of her independence left her when she gave up driving.

It has proven to be a very emotional disease. Cheryl becomes angry with me when I help her “too much”. We have been together too long for me to ignore her needs. I help her anyway. She gets angry with me. I get angry with the disease and what it has stolen from us.

And then my heart melts.

Carpe Diem.