As we move down the road of Cheryl in a special place that can take care of her all day long every day, it gets easier for me to leave her. I am assured that she is getting the best care for her at this time.

The past few weeks when she was still home and it was all me, I started feeling anxious and upset with her lack of motivation to help with her own well being. I knew that her disease was getting in the way more. I was frustrated with her lack of cooperation with me with caring for her.

I was perhaps stepping on the last little bit of control that she had over events in our life. My whole waking day was consumed with her. I did not mind that but looking back, from her perspective, I was overwhelming, helicoptery and just plan annoying. There is a difference between accepting help from someone and having unwanted help thrust upon you. I was drifting into the thrusting arena.

This current situation is different. I can step back and let the aides do it – whatever it may be.

I am a husband again. Making sure has has all she needs to do for herself – whatever it may be.

Carpe (deep sigh) Diem.