With Dementia

With dementia, though I know she has it, I want her to be like she was before.

With her dementia, it is hard to separate what I want to do from what she is capable of doing.

With her dementia, I want her to be organized like she was before.

With her dementia, I want her to wake up and be ready for the day.

With her dementia, I want her to go with me and walk in the sunshine and enjoy the day.

With her dementia, I want her to comb her hair as she likes it to be. Men are not good at hair.

Even with her dementia, I want her to be aware of her surroundings.

With dementia I want her to be with me in the present.

Though she has dementia I want her to help plan our future.

But with her dementia and her associated Parkinson mobility issues little of that is possible. I do not know what is possible anymore and that frustrates me.

If that sounds like a lament to you then I have accomplished my goal.

Whoopadiddee

Carpe Diem.

I Expect Too Much

I do.

I expect Cheryl to do things that she is incapable of and respond with anger when she cannot. My anger is better described as frustration. As I leave her thinking she is headed in the right direction, when I check on her later, I find that she has wandered off in some new direction. Instead of washing her face, she is cleaning the sink.

I expect others or hope that others will see our dilemma and voluntarily help in some way. Those people who do are very few in number. They are a joy to be around.

I do not expect anything from strangers but they open doors or hold the door or jump up to open the door. It is a small thing but useful.

Friends and family are all helpful in their own way. They all have lives. They all have other interests. It is self centered of me to expect them to think about us.

As we travel this road of Parkinson and related dementia changing expectations is necessary. If you do not make adjustments all that can be found is perpetual disappointment.

Perpetual disappointment leads to cynicism. Conversation becomes sarcastic. The sarcasm is wasted on dementia patients. They will only detect the underlying anger.

Cheryl uses her left side successfully only when she concentrates. Perhaps specific marching encouragement will help – left foot, right foot, left foot, and on.

If I change my expectation for her walking, perhaps I can help her improve.

If I change my expectations of family and friends perhaps I can find more happiness and less disappointment.

Perhaps I need to change my expectations.

Carpe Diem.