Once in awhile and last night was on of them, Cheryl spontaneously tells me that she loves me. I tell her that every night before we go to sleep usually after I apologize for any recent transgressions. She responds I love you too. This was not one of those instances. Last night when we were talking about old movies she told me, “I love you.” I said “I love you too” in response.

Those small exchanges of emotion are important for communication. Cheryl struggles more and more with communication. As she struggles more and more with memory it becomes harder and harder to tell others and me what she needs. And she does not want to “put anyone out”, so, she might simply wait or not say anything. She can become angry if no one figures it out.

All of this creates a tension in care partners. The subtle mystery of figuring it out without obvious clues or cues does not let up, ever.

So when she said I love you, internally I felt like I was doing it correctly. “It” being my purpose in life. “Sometimes fate puts you just exactly where you’re supposed to be!” is a line from a movie that Cheryl really likes and I think it has a great deal of truth. I am convinced that the reason I am here is to take of her.

We are almost sixty years along in our journey through life and I am still learning. There are days when I long for the times when she did not struggle to move and think and decide what she wants to eat from the menu and drank tea while reading the newspaper and sit quietly watching tv but those times are past us.

Sometimes You Are Just Exactly Where You Are Supposed To Be. — even if you are unsure about being there.

Carpe Diem.